soul_campaign | Eleventh Dazzle | Morning, May 11th

[he hasn't heard about the dog yet, but he already dislikes sai so it's not like he needed that as motivation.]

There's a bakery a bit further down the road, if we want to work in a spiral.

[He nods, keeping his eyes peeled for any signs mentioning sales on food or restaurant promotions, and hurries towards the bakery with Kaworu.

Something was definitely itching at the back of his mind, some kind of creeping suspicion. It was the kind of thought he didn't want to think consciously, but it was already taking root.]

We're b-bound to find her this way, right?

[you probably want positivity right now. but from what he's learned of takuto, there's such a thing as not enough realism.]

She could move to someplace we have already checked while we are still looking. But if she is just distracted by something then surely she would eventually check the network and contact you. If we neither find her nor hear from her, then we can at least confirm that something is preventing her from answering.

I sent her a text last night that she still hasn't responded to.

[Which means that she's been distracted for the entire night and all morning. Too distracted to mention anything to Takuto, to go to work, or to meet Kaworu like she promised. It's not like her at all.

Fortunately the outer districts and especially the uninhabited areas by the park don't have crowds of rioters, but there's still quite a bit of noise coming from the deeper in the city center. As they approach the bakery, the noise gets louder--it sounds like people are chanting anti-Shibusen phrases.]

Kaworu...

[That idea is slowly getting stronger. There's no way Yako is just sitting in a bakery, forgetting the rest of the world while she munches on platefuls of croissants. There are people in the streets, rioting and marching. The only times the city sees this much turmoil is in the presence of....

He freezes suddenly.

Witches. Takuto knows firsthand that they like to take prisoners. That they use confusion to sneak into the city. Maybe the riots themselves were caused by them. Spreading a different kind of madness....]

Kaworu, what if she was taken? What if she's not even in the city anymore? [He clutches at his friend's sleeve. This is panicking.] Shibusen's busy trying to keep the city from rioting, so what if something else came and took Yako away?!

[maybe it's good that takuto's finaly taking a realistic view about this, but panic is not the way to go, especially not so near to rioters that hate them for being 'guests' here.

he pauses for a moment, frowning, and then suddenly turns and tugs takuto into an alleyway, out of sight of the mob just down the road. on the off chance that he can't snap takuto out of this panic, then at least he can do it somewhere more secluded.]

That is a possibility. [there's no point in lying about it. but he takes takuto's hands, squeezing gently but insistently as if to say calm down and pay attention to me.] And if that is what happened, then we will just have to find her and get her back. It will be okay.

[He'd be wringing his hands if Kaworu weren't holding them. As it is, he's pulling restlessly on the other boy's hands and not exactly aware that Kaworu has just dragged him into an alleyway.]

What if it's not? [He sounds a little strangled, and for a moment it's a little hard to breathe.] What if she's not? Kaworu, what about witches?

Everything will be alright in the end. Even if it is not now, or when we find her, it will be. I will make sure of it.

[he's messed up a lot, back home and here. he couldn't make shinji happy, and he only made everyone upset, and he'd nearly ruined everything for takuto and yako. so however impossible, whatever he had to do, he would at least do this.]

I promise.

[He takes a shaky breath, trying to let Kaworu's words sink in. A promise to make sure Yako is okay....

But the things Kaworu knows are different from the things Takuto knows. And Takuto knows very well that even now, even months later, he is not okay.]

You don't understand. [His voice quiets to a terrified whisper and he's shaking.] What if she's not even Yako anymore? What if they have her, and they have another machine, and they take her apart or make her into something else? That's what the Witches do when they take you.

Then you will help her. We both will. We can hope that she is alright, and if she is not, we will make everything alright. It may take time, but is she not worth that time?

[he knows he'd do whatever he had to to make shinji happy, however long it took. if he had to do everything over again, over and over, live a thousand lifetimes more of waiting until that day when he could finally meet him, he would. because he was worth that much.

yako was precious too, and to takuto as well. if it took time, then so be it. the people he cared about were more worth his time than anything else.]

[He collapses forward onto Kaworu, pressing his face against the other boy's shoulder. He hasn't managed to stop trembling and it doesn't quite feel like Kaworu's words are reaching him as clearly as he knows they should.]

Sh-she is. [He gasps a little for air, trying to not dissolve into tears. A small part of him is becoming slowly aware that he's not necessarily being entirely rational, but it's far overshadowed by fear.] But you still don't get it. What if there's no way to bring her back? I d-don't even know how it works, even though I did it, so I don't know how to cure it. I don't even know if what they did to me is cured. A-and I can't go where Witches are--I can't.

[So much for trying to not cry. He can't tell if the worst part is imagining Yako in some dark cave in the clutches of the Witches or if it's knowing that if she is, he won't be able to rescue her.]

[his heart aches with the trembling and tears, but he pulls takuto close and holds him tightly, all the way he'd want to be held if he was sad.]

If it comes to that and you cannot go, then I will go for you. And if she has been hurt by them, we will find a way to bring her back. Were you not the one who insisted on never giving up on a friend? That there is no such thing as an impossibility?

[if you can yell at him for doing the only thing he could with shinji, then like hell are you gonna sit here talking about being unable to help yako.]

[For a moment he can't stop crying long enough to make a response. Kaworu's words are true, of course. He'd been the one to tell Kaworu that the only option was to never give up, and he knows that deep down he would probably face the Witches and die than stay behind while Kaworu went to rescue Yako. But it isn't a simple face the Witches and die situation, because that last time he'd been around Witches...

He'd helped them.]

I... I'm not giving up on her. But I... I'm afraid. [Afraid is putting it lightly. He's practically paralyzed with fear just thinking about it.] I'm afraid that she's in danger and there's nothing I can do about it. I'm afraid that even if I do go to rescue her, I will do the opposite.

You will not, because you care about her. And if you tried even still, I would stop you. [he reaches up to card his fingers through takuto's hair, soothingly running his hand back and down the taller boy's neck.] But you manage, even if you are afraid, for that is the nature of mankind. You will grow from your fear and be able to accomplish even the impossible.

[perhaps that was why takuto could so vehemently insist that there was no such thing as "no other way". because for man it always seemed to end up being true, with their ability to strive and progress and change. but he was not human, so the same did not apply. he had only ever been able to pretend.]

[He wraps his arms around Kaworu, holding the other boy close and very slowly relaxing at the soothing touch in his hair and the gentle words. He isn't fine by any means, but his panic is gradually subsiding.

After a few moments of quiet sniffling, he takes a deep breath and lifts his head. He takes another deep breath and wipes his eyes.]

So no matter where she is, we'll go together, right?

[It's small consolation... or maybe it's actually very large. Facing the Witches seems a lot more doable if Kaworu is there at his side.]

Wherever she is, and whatever happens. So do not make that face. [he smiles softly, letting his arms drop to again take takuto's hands.] Everything will be alright.

[He nods, still feeling rather miserable. He's not entirely sure if he believes that everything will be alright, but it's too much to look too closely at how he feels about it. He sighs heavily and gives Kaworu's hands a grateful squeeze.]

Th-thank you. [He pauses only momentarily.] You must think I'm a hypocrite.

Yes. [he admits it without hesitation or shame, but the way he runs his thumbs over the back of takuto's hands is all soothing, and he smiles softly.]. But that is alright. You are only human, and man is so often guilty of the very same things he claims to hate. He violently rejects a trait that he knows himself to have, out of guilt and anger over being unable to change themselves. But you cannot help what you are any more than I can.

[Kaworu's honesty without judgement is comforting. But on the other hand, the other boy's words remind him of something that might be a little optimistic.]

But we... we can change.

[He takes a deep breath, as if he could somehow convert oxygen into the determination he usually has.] So I will find her, and rescue her. And I won't give up, no matter what.

[his grin only widens slightly, and he nods.]

The ability to adapt and grow is also a strength of mankind. So let your shortcomings motivate you to that greater future. I know you will be able to.

Eleventh Dazzle | Morning, May 11th | video

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