soul_campaign | [video, private texts] June 12, Mid Morning

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[video, private texts] June 12, Mid Morning

[Karkat has never thought he had a flattering face, but it's particularly ugly when he's worried, because he looks about two times his age. And he's worried alright, because a certain housemate has been missing for far too long for comfort.] Has anyone seen John? John Egbert. He's human, and he wears stupid glasses and has stupid messed up human dentition. Actually, wait, hold on, I drew a picture. A lot of you probably know him; he's the obnoxiously friendly type. Anyway, he hasn't come back to the hive in a while, and it's not like him to just disappear like that. Well, okay, it is, but not for this long. He would have finished setting up a prank by now. If anyone's seen him, let me know, because I'm going to run around the whole fucking city looking for him, and that's going to be a pain in the nook. If anyone wants to help look, that would be cool, just look for a guy running around that looks like my drawing.

Also, does anyone know how to take care of a hopbeast? ...Humans call them bunnies. It's John's, and I have no idea how the fuck to take care of it. I've just been feeding it carrots, and making sure it's still breathing. John's going to murder me if I kill this thing while he's gone.

[He sends a rapid fire text Dave's way. He wants to make certain Dave doesn't get into trouble.]
DAVE.
PLEASE TRY NOT TO GET IN TROUBLE WHILE I'M GONE.
AND NO, YOU AREN'T COMING, NO MATTER HOW FUCKING CONCERNED YOU ARE.
JOHN'S PROBABLY JUST FUCKING AROUND SOMEWHERE, AND HE'D BE PISSED AT ME FOR LETTING YOU TIRE YOURSELF OUT LOOKING FOR HIM.
AND ANYWAY, SOMEONE HAS TO WATCH THAT DAMN HOPBEAST.
SUNNY THE BUNNY, WHATEVER.

[It takes him a bit longer to send the second text, only because he feels weird about asking for help, because it's something he sucks at doing, and it doesn't happen often, but he's worried enough that he goes ahead with it. So, Signless' crew (Di, Psii, Rosa, and Signless), Kanaya, Aranea, Meenah and Sollux will get this text.]
IF YOU WANT TO HELP LOOK, YOU CAN.
I FIGURED I COULD PROBABLY USE A HAND, IF YOU'RE WILLING, SINCE I'VE GOT A LOT OF GROUND TO COVER AND JOHN'S A SLIPPERY BASTARD.
EVEN IF YOU'RE BUSY AND YOU DON'T GIVE A SHIT, I FIGURED I BETTER UPDATE EVERYONE ON THE SITUATION ANYWAY.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

weapons can get krilled too sucka

DUH.
BUT IF WE CAN FALL DOWN SHIBUSEN'S STAIRS SAFELY, WE CAN FALL DOWN ANY STAIRS.

we shoulda sea to dat theory huh

HOW ABOUT NO.
HOW ABOUT YOU NEVER TEST OUT ANY OF YOUR FUCKING THEORIES EVER.

how aboat
waterva i do wat i want

YOU KNOW, THE REALLY SAD THING IS THAT I KNOW THE TWO OF US WOULD GET ALONG.
MEENAH IS PROOF OF THAT.
IF IT WASN'T FOR THE FACT THAT YOU'RE GOING TO TRY AND SABOTAGE US AND YOU PLAN TO POTENTIALLY MURDER SOME OF MY FRIENDS, AND PROBABLY ME TOO, YOU COULD ACTUALLY BE PRETTY AWESOME.
AND I WASN'T LYING WHEN I SAID I HAVE A LOT OF RESPECT FOR YOU AS A LEADER, BECAUSE I DO.
ALTERNIA WAS A SHITHOLE, BUT IT WAS ALSO AN EFFECTIVE WAY OF RUNNING THINGS.
BUT YOU MAKE IT COMPLETELY FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE FOR JUST ABOUT ANYONE WITH A FUNCTIONING THINKPAN TO LIKE YOU, EVEN TOLERATE YOU.
IT'S LIKE YOU'RE TRYING TO PUSH EVERYONE AWAY.
AND IF THERE'S ONE THING I KNOW ABOUT BEING AN EFFECTIVE LEADER, IT'S THAT YOU NEED EVERYONE TO BE ON THE SAME PAGE AND OKAY WITH YOUR PLAN.
OTHERWISE, THERE WILL INEVITABLY BE FUCKING UP BY SOME NOOKSNIFFER WHO SAYS FUCK YOU I'M NOT GOING ALONG WITH THEIR PLANS, AND SCREWS THEM UP BEFORE YOU EVEN KNOW THEY DON'T AGREE.
MY POINT IS, IF YOUR PHILOSOPHY IS, IN YOUR WORDS i do wat i want ALL THE FUCKING TIME, THEN YOU'VE ALREADY FAILED AS THE LEADER OF OUR RACE.

_{[Holy shit, did he just send that? Welp. He may or may not be screwing himself over here, but you know what, he feels fucking awesome standing up to her, so screw it.]}

[ let her just-

flip this to voice-

and-]

AHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH!

[ laugh at your face Karkat.

Because the irony in your words, if she even read half of them, is just too delicious to pass up, considering what she is planning ]

Ahem.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

[ just in case that first laugh wasn't psychotic enough ]

[ back to text ]

you aint got NO idea aboat ANYFIN do you
i diint expect you 2 know everyfin
but you seariously don know nofin at all
this is fuckin finny i cant

_{[Okay, yeah, that laugh was crazy enough thank you Condesce he is now considerably less confident. He almost decides to respond with voice, but decides against it, because Condesce's text is a lot easier to deal with than her voice.]}

WELL EXCUSE ME FOR NOT BEING UP TO DATE ON YOUR PLANS.
YOU HAVEN'T EVEN SHOWN UP YET, OR DONE ANYTHING AT ALL TO US YET, SO HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT YOU'RE PLANNING?
SORRY FOR NOT BEING WAY AHEAD ON THE TIMELINE JUST FOR YOU.
MAYBE IF YOU, I DON'T KNOW, DIVULGED SOME OF YOUR TOP SECRET SUPER EVIL PLAN, THEN *POSSIBLY* I WOULD BE MORE INFORMED.
BUT YOU'VE REFUSED TO GIVE ME ANY SORT OF INFORMATION ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT FROM US, SO I HAVE TO MAKE SOME ASSUMPTIONS BASED ON YOUR BEHAVIOR HERE.

Edited 2013-07-10 23:13 (UTC)

actshoally nomoby asked

UH, I'M PRETTY SURE I DID WHEN I FIRST GOT HERE, BUT FINE, LET'S SAY I DIDN'T.
CONSIDER THIS ME ASKING.
PLEASE TELL ME YOUR SUPER SCARY EVIL PLAN PLEASE.

[ demanding is not "asking", Karkat ]

holy mackerel he used please
lets all just
take a sec right here
n look at dat shit
holy shit its beautiful

wait shit wait
lemme screencap dis shit

_{[He sees no difference. Then again, this please stuff seems to be working. Sort of. At least she hasn't outright refused yet.]}

THE ONE PERSON I ACTUALLY THOUGHT WOULD NEVER USE THE WORD ADORABLE OR ANY OF ITS DERIVATIVES IN REFERENCE TO ME WAS YOU.
APPARENTLY I WAS WRONG ABOUT THAT TOO.
NOW.
YOU'VE HAD YOUR FUN, OKAY, SO CAN I HAVE MY ANSWER?
PLEASE?

ahahahah shit
cuz you like runnin yo mouth like some glubbin highblood when you aint one i aint gonna answa dat
but cuz ya know how to kiss ass ill answa 2 questions
but you gotta be moor specific than "wats yo secret plan gurl" cuz homie dat shit is sweeps long

so you got two questions startin now
go

Edited 2013-07-10 23:42 (UTC)

_{[Two questions. Holy shit. That was more than he was hoping for. Way more. Honestly, he was kind of expecting her to flat out refuse him despite all the please bullshit. But what to ask? He has to think about this carefully.]}

FINE.
I ACCEPT YOUR TERMS.
OKAY.
FIRST QUESTION.
WHO ARE YOU PLANNING TO KILL, OF ALL OF MY FRIENDS, INCLUDING THE HUMANS?

_{[It's kind of a stupid question, but it's the one he cares the most about. If he knows who her targets are, he can anticipate her moves a little better, and protect the friends she's sure to go after. He figures Kanaya, Gamzee, and Terezi are probably relatively safe, seeing as they're pretty high up there on the hemospectrum, so as long as they don't challenge her directly they might he have a chance. He has no idea what her plans are concerning Dave, John, Jade, and Rose, though, and he's not sure whether she'd take out Sollux and Aradia, if given the chance.]}

nomoby

[ There is only one she is planning to kill, which is Lord English. Everyone else MIGHT get killed but they are - what you may call - causalities of war. ]

_{[No one. That doesn't make sense. Why wouldn't she kill anyone? Where all those threats just bullshit? What exactly is she planning if she doesn't intend to kill them? Is she being serious, or is she lying? There's always the possibility that she's trying to mislead him by giving him false answers, but that doesn't seem like something she would do if she was truly confident that her plans would succeed. He's going to have to dwell on this for a while, but for now, he still has one question left.]}

SECOND QUESTION.
IF I CAN'T ASK YOU WHAT YOUR PLANS ARE, THEN I'LL BE MORE SPECIFIC.
WHAT'S YOUR GOAL?
YOU COULD EASILY SUMMARIZE THAT.

bring back the troll race

_{[That was one answer he wasn't expecting. Well, this explains the fact that she doesn't want to kill anyone, presumably.]}

WHAT?
BUT THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!
WITHOUT A MOTHERGRUB THERE'S NO WAY FOR US TO REPRODUCE.
WE DON'T EVEN HAVE A MATRIORB ANYMORE.
IF THAT'S YOUR GOAL, YOU'RE SHIT OUT OF LUCK.

learn ta kiss ass betta maybs i'll answa some moor questions otter day

IS THAT A PROMISE?
IF I SUCK UP TO YOU BETTER, YOU'LL GIVE ME MORE QUESTIONS?

[video, private texts] June 12, Mid Morning

no subject

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[voice] 1/3

[voice] 2/3

[voice] 1/4 i lied

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