soul_campaign | Decimotercera ⚜ Roda [March 13th, afternoon; video]

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Decimotercera ⚜ Roda [March 13th, afternoon; video]

[Today finds Fabiola perched somewhere high, and taking a well-deserved day off from her usual activities. She raises the hand holding a thermos- coffee, because she considers herself too mature a girl for something like hot chocolate- to the camera, and then takes a sip of her coffee, preparing herself to speak. She's not as long-winded as usual today, though perhaps it's for the best, considering what she wants to ask.]

I know a lot of people have left lately, and I know some of those here are better at handling it than others. So in the interest of helping those that do not take it as well as others...

[She shifts idly, peering over her hands at the ground below and scooting backward just a little.]

How do you make yourselves feel better, Death City? What do you do in order to keep pushing forward?

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[he sort of glances away at that, and immediately he's stuck by what a very human reaction to guilt that was. it doesn't quite make him meet her eyes though.]

Success would have meant the end of the rest of humanity, so I suppose we did. Luckily for the world, none of us succeeded.

[The reaction isn't lost on Fabiola, who blinks and peers at him curiously again. What an interesting person, this Kaworu Nagisa.]

...did you not want your kind to succeed?

[wow how does he even put this]

...My siblings took a variety of forms in their attempts, most of them huge and monstrous. I was always the strange one, however, so I thought it better to take a human form and trick my way in. I came closer than any of the others, too. I always thought it a shame when the human race had created so much and could still continue to do so, but I was always intent on completing my mission regardless.

[he's quiet for a long few moments after that. how do you explain how one person could change your mind about everything, make you give up everything? human beings had the ability to feel so much, and with all the talent of all their greatest wordsmiths, he did not think there was an adequate way to describe what he had felt.]

...I did always find humans interesting, but I was only able to freely interact with them in the days before my own attempt. And I met a boy, one of the children charged with defending mankind from the Angels, and he was...wonderfully imperfect.

So it is not so much that you did not wish to accomplish your task as that somehow, someone managed to change your mind...?

[From the way Kaworu puts it, humanity would probably not have stood a chance against him, had he continued. She isn't sure how to feel about that, exactly- but she can't be angry at him for doing what's in his nature. Besides, it would appear he changed his mind, in the end.]

...he must have certainly become quite important to you, in the time you knew him.

[oh yeah, if he'd wanted to there would have been no stopping him. lucky for humanity, right?]

I loved him. He was beautifully broken and faceted as only humans can be, desperate for affection yet afraid of people. I could not bring myself to destroy all of humanity's depth and potential, or this boy who deserved the future more than anyone. So I asked him to kill me.

[Thank heaven for small miracles, or something like that.]

Ah, is that what it was?

[Love, among other things, certainly did have such an impact on people's decisions- but it seemed like it affected angels too.]

That must have been a lot to ask of him, all things considered.

It was a cruel request, but...I am not incapable of selfishness. The only true freedom I ever had was in choosing how I would die. I wanted it to be by his hand.

[or, y'know. by his giant fucking robot's hand.]

[Ouch man. Right in the feelings.]

That is a better choice than none at all, I suppose. Was it difficult to ask him to do?

No, surprisingly. I am sure it was much harder on him -- he hesitated for a long while before finally going through with it.

[a full minute and nine seconds. setting records longest static frames and all that shit.]

[Soooooo symbolic.]

Your resolve is certainly impressive, if you had no trouble letting yourself die like that.

[symbol of a fucked budget.]

I do enjoy life, and I am grateful that this place has given me a second chance at it. But I do not regret it. He was able to live, and so my life had meaning.

[You don't say.

She pauses a moment to contemplate what he's said, and then smiles a bit, small but sincere.]

You're far kinder than even most humans, I think.

[his looks back to her for a moment, eyebrows sliding up in something like surprise, and then eventually grins slightly, returning his gaze to the landscape.]

That is a very nice thing for you to say. You are very kind yourself.

You did what you did, in the end, for his sake, did you not? Aside from choosing the way you died, I do not think it was all that selfish at all, really.

[She flusters a little at the at the compliment, and tries to shrug it off.]

I try my best to be.

Perhaps. He lived, but I can only hope that he will be able to move past it. He is...gentle. It is enough that he was asked to fight, and I made him kill. Toward the end, he had already lost everyone that might have shown him sympathy -- and that may be why he accepted me so easily -- and yet I asked him to kill me as well. It is crueler than you know.

[Fabiola likes to think the best of people, most of the time.]

Delicate or not, I am sure that if he knew what you were doing was for him, that he would not waste the life you gave him- no matter how much it may have hurt.

I can only hope... [and he shakes his head, smiling ruefully.] I am sorry. It is kind of you to say these things, when you have no reason to comfort me. I think it would have been best if he had had someone like you instead of myself.

I am afraid I am not really always quite so understanding. Even my good will has limits. Besides, it was you for a reason, if you ask me.

[She blinks in surprise though, tilting her head and frowning in confusion.]

Why do I need a reason to? No one has to be sad, and if I can do anything about it, I rather prefer to. Or at least to try.

[he'd like to think so to, but that doesn't mean it was the best thing for shinji's mental health at the time.

but he looks similarly perplexed, head canting slightly and eyes turning back on her.]

Many humans seem uneasy when I am friendly towards them without reason. Many treat it as something unnatural, as if there is something inherently strange with being kind simply for the sake of kindness. Then others like you questions why anyone would not. Of anyone, I should be able to make sense of this, yet I still cannot understand why.

[She smiles a little, and then shakes her head.]

Some people do not expect kindness without someone wanting something in return. Others are raised to believe that it is the least they can do to be kind to others, especially if they have nothing else to offer. It is confounding, but I suppose that is just what happens because people can believe in the things they want to believe in.

[that makes sense. especially given his designation, he can't really blame people who were simply taught one way or the other.]

I see. I think I prefer to offer that kindness regardless of whether others expect or believe it.

[She smiles, and after a moment's hesitation, reaches out to pat his arm.]

Then it makes you a better person than most, believe me.

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Decimotercera ⚜ Roda [March 13th, afternoon; video]

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