soul_campaign | 10th Undead [Video] ; April 10

[ when the video feed starts, you can see Saya near the stove; inside, there is a cake, so yes, she is baking. While the cake cooks, she seems to be making cupcakes, too.

And right now, she is also addressing to the network.

Multitasking is fun ]

It has been a while since I last posted to the network...

Anyway! [ she shrugs ] I suppose I should start by asking how is everyone after the most recent attack, which we totally didn't see coming. [ she does sound bitter. They are in the middle of a war and stop everything for a Carnival and some Beauty Pageant? It's like asking to be attacked. ]

Now, what I really meant to ask is if anyone would like to learn how to cook. [ she stops doing her cupcakes and washes her hands, turning to the communicator ] Obviously I would like to be paid for it, but we can discuss the price, rather than having a fixed fee. [ and friends probably won't have to pay, she'll teach them for free ] If you don't want to learn, but would like to have someone cooking for you, I can also do it. I mean, I already do the breakfast for the morning training.

Oh, and yes, I also bake. Obviously. [ she pulls her glasses up, before turning off the feed ]

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Perhaps. I like having a partner; at least I know I will always have someone if something bad happens.

[A hint of the lost, lonely child look creeps into his eyes before he swallows and looks away.]

R-right. That's a good point. But... asking someone to be your partner doesn't guarantee they'll come for you when you need them too, either.

[Still, he can't ever forget how it felt when Aion came to rescue him. But he can't let something like that happen ever again anyway, for lots of reasons.]

[ of course it is a good point, she is a genius.]

Nothing guarantees anything, Takuto-kun.

Exactly. So I'm not in any hurry to find a partner.

[If he doesn't have a partner, there won't be that one person that he relies on who ends up disappearing anyway. He learned the hard way he needs to be better at relying on himself.]

Well-

if you avoid something because you are afraid of loosing it, then you will never have anything at all.

[ she avoids looking at the camera for a moment. Funny she says that, because she sort of does the same. But she has PTSD, and she isn't afraid of them suddenly disappearing - she is afraid everyone will die. It's a bit stronger than being taken by BREW or not having her partner show up when she needs him. ]

Anyway. That's what I think.

[He hesitates for a very long time, probably because he really really wants to agree with her. He can practically hear himself saying those same words--he's sure he's said them, in fact, to someone who didn't believe them. He's not sure what to think when he's the one being given this kind of advice.]

Well... yes.

[And then he sighs and hangs his head, switching the feed to private.] I think I know that I'm going to end up partnering and then getting hurt again. But I don't want to get hurt that badly ever again. I just... need time to myself, I think.

Takuto-kun...

[ Saya sighs ] The way I see it, we are creatures of duality. Pain is part of us, even if we don't like it. We will always feel some degree of pain in our lives, sonner or later.

It sucks when pain gets to be too big, that's why we try to avoid it, but- If you try to avoid pain, you end up avoiding everything else that isn't pain, too. And that's not really living, so...

We are still here for a reason. We want to be here. We want to live. And we have reasons to - we want to be happy, we meet friends, or we get a girlfriend. We think we might get hurt, later on, but the fact is, at the time it was the best thing. And I wouldn't want to trade a painless moment for it. Never. I would rather be in pain but have those moments, than not. Because, at least I'm alive. [ in the middle of her speech, Saya no longer knows if she is talking about him or herself ]

I... I get that. I mean, I understand exactly what you're saying, and I agree. [He shrugs a little.] I think what I'm trying to say is I'm just not ready to... to push myself on someone like a partner yet.

I would much rather be confident in my ability to keep on living.

[Because with Aion... his very life had been dependent on his partner, and he hadn't realized the extent until Aion had been sent home.]

[ she nods ] Take your time, then. These things may take a while.

Just don't give up.

[ she adds a smile ] You are a man, after all.

[He nods back, and then his cheeks turn a little pink. He's not exactly sure what "you're a man, after all" is supposed to mean, but it sounds like some kind of compliment or... o-or something.]

I won't give up.

Good.

10th Undead [Video] ; April 10

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