soul_campaign | January 29th, 3 AM, Perma-Video.

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January 29th, 3 AM, Perma-Video.

*Camera comes on well before anything is set-up for it, even in the darkened room you can tell someone is fumbling the camera into place. When Clare actually turns the lamp on so you can see... she does not look well. Not sick, just... whatever's going on she's freaked out in a way she hasn't been in Death City. And she has definitely been crying recently.*

I- I was home. I was home for five months! But- it hasn't been.

Was it a dream? But it couldn't be cause I'm physically older, so it had to be real. But I didn't have my scar there and I have it now, and- Where was I yesterday? Why did it all feel so real?

Maybe it finally happened, everything here has finally gotten to me.

Could someone please tell me what happened. Why does this place keep making things worse... *And in a much smaller voice, just before she cuts off the video* But it isn't like I want to go home...

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Clare! You back! You disapeared two days ago.

[He looks concerned because even he can see that she is upset.]

Shhh it's okay. It wasn't a dream... I know it's a hard thing to get used to, but it really isn't as bad as it seems.

What?

And if it wasn't a dream then Adam got- and my mom- and I almost-

I hate this place. *Oh yeah, upset is an unerstatement. Clare's not handling the balance of home and Death City.*

[He doesnt know who Adam was, or what happened to her or her Mum, but he is feeling even more worried and concerned.]

Hey, it's okay. Did you want me to come over? You shouldn't be alone.[He pauses before shaking his head lightly.] No, I would feel happier if I could be there with you. I will come over. Are you still in the same apartment?

No, you don't have- *Takes Clare a moment to realize she doesn't wanna be alone.*

...Yes, I'm in the same place.

Thanks. *She rubs at her eyes but, still looks like she's gone through some sorta hell.*

[His expression softened at her reply before he is nodding with a light smile on his face.]

I'll come over right now then. I'll be there soon!

[The feed disconnects as Yuuri rushes his way over to Clare's apartment. Making his way to the right floor, there is concern etched on his features as he knocked on the door.]

Clare, are you in there? It's me, Yuuri!

[Ooc: hope that you dont mind action. Being back in classes, it is the fasted/easiest way for me to thread while I commute/wait between classes D: ]

*It takes nearly a minute for Clare to get to the door, and when she does she looks worse in person. Face haunted with emotions and a shock connected to not being able to handle it exactly the way its working.*

*A long moment passes, looking like Clare has something to say, but isn't sure how to say it... She gives up and just throws herself at Yuuri for a hug instead.*

[OOC: Fine, I figure you're a bit swamped lately, action tags will work here. ^_^ Sorry Yuuri, Clare needs hugs.]

[He felt his concern beging to grow as time passed and there was no answer. Did he have the right apartment?! Panic gripped his chest, and it showed on his face as Clare finally opened the door. She looked absolutely miserable and upset!]

C-clare!

[His worry and surprise was evident in his tone. Yuuri hadnt expected the hug, but he also didnt hesitate in catching her and returning it either. Bringing his arms up around her, his expression softened as he rubbed circles on her back.]

It's okay. Just let it all out.

[Ooc: thank you so much! Knowing me, it will be more like shorter prose anyway lolol.]

*Clare's going to just sob on Yuuri for a bit, she needed a friendly face and there weren't any at home anymore. She couldn't cope with all this, not at home, and definitely not on her own.*

*But, eventually, she did run down from all this. And probably realized this is bad for her neighbors given the hour. She didn't look too much improved with her reknewed bout of crying.*

*She wasn't sure how to word her feelings, so she ignored that to focus on something a bit more obvious.* We should probably get out of the hallway.

[He remained there quietly trying to offer her comfort while she cried. While he knew that it would be better off done in the apartment, Yuuri didn't want to risk trying to move just yet.

When she did finally begin calming down, he offered her a comforting smile before nodding his head.] Yeah, I think that's a good idea.

*Clare violently pushed any thoughts about inviting a young man into her apartment in the morning out of her head. They wouldn't help, leaving Yuuri to close the door behind them as she returned to her perch on her bed. Knees tucked close to her body, hugging them tightly.*

*She stayed quiet for a long moment before explaining a little.* It was a long five months. Not like being at war but... Everything that happened, I couldn't do anything to fix it.

[Any thoughts of what it might look like to others never once entered his mostly innocent mind, and he followed after Clare before closing the door behind him. His pace did slow a little when they went into her bedroom, but he didn't stop until he'd come to perch on the mattress a little further away to give her space, but close enough to bring her comfort.]

What happened during those five months? If you want to talk about it that is.

*Clare glanced at Yuuri, trying to gauge what he'd get, and what would just make him more awkward right now. But... most of this mess was all tangled together.*

At prom, so... about four months ago for me, my friend Adam got shot. He's okay but- I couldn't do anything. *She went quiet for a moment. Picking the words to explain it.* Here, I was in shock, the blood, the terror, the pain... but I was still useful, I could still help. At home I... I broke down.

*She hoped that covered it, and that was only the tip of this iceberg.*

[He listened carefully while she spoke of what happened. Gasping lightly at the mention of her friend being shot, his eyes widened as he leant forward to state.] Anyone would have done that if such a thing had happened to a dear friend...

[Pausing momentarily, his surprise ebbed away as he mellowed and quietly admitted.] I-I was a wreck for weeks after I'd thought that Conrad had died... [He'd been about to mention Conrad's death here, and not just his almost-death back in Shin Makoku, but he held himself back. He wasn't yet ready to really talk about that to anyone.]

Yes, which is stupid to think I could have done more. But what's worse is since that was four months ago it isn't the biggest thing bothering me. *Which, incidentally, added more to her confusion. She felt like, the her from here was more real than the her from home. She kept thinking of what ifs if she were the stronger her, instead of the boring her. Confusing and complicated and impossible to word.*

*She sighed, time for the other part, the bit that in comparison should be less important but bothered her more, way more.*

I- I met a boy, named Jake. He was nice, he helped me get over my ex, he helped me deal with my mom dating again. He was great, what I needed to cope... you know, at home. We started going out, I was feeling better, his dad married my mom... *The tears she thought she was done with came back as she got closer to her main problem. A broken heart.*

It isn't? [He wasn't certain what else was worse than that, but Yuuri fell silent again while he waited for Clare to speak up. Judging by her reaction, it was something pretty severe with all things considered!

His eyes widened when she said that she'd started dating someone, but he listened intently until she surprised him further by saying that her boyfriend's dad married her mum... EEEEEeeeeeh?! This time his eyes did widen in surprise at her admittance, and it was impossible to remain silent as he voiced his surprise.] Your mum?!

Then what happened was--- Then that would mean--- [Realisation dawned on him at the very confusing, and shocking information, and he found himself at a loss of words before he simply said something else.] I'm really sorry to hear that, Clare.

[What could anyone do in that type of situation? His parents were still married, so he didn't have to worry about that, and he wasn't interested in finding anyone else to be a parent to Greta besides himself and Wolfram... not to mention that she was happy that Greta was way too young to date! And that there was no chance throughout all of Shin Makoku that she would ever start dating anyone from Wolfram's family. That was just the weirdest thought, and he rushed to push that thought from his mind. Nope, definitely never going there.]

*Clare hesitated from Yuuri's outburst, his calmer words didn't change Clare's worry about her next words. Because the more she thought about what they did, the more she realized she was an idiot to try it. Yes, her reasoning was justified but... it really wasn't a the greatest idea.*

We... stopped dating when our parents told us they were getting married, but our feelings- *She hoped Yuuri wouldn't freak out again, that would make this conversation go poorly* We both liked each other still, and he wanted me back, but I thought I was finally over him. Then I realized I wasn't, and I wanted him back, and we made another try at dating under our parents noses, but...

I hate him, I hate him so much! *Clare's sudden volume change wasn't warned by anything in her body language. Clare didn't realize she'd go there with this, the words just came out.* He broke up with me, because if we went any further the break-up would be worse. And he was right, and I hate him for being right.

*She also hated him because she still loved him, still wanted to be with him. It was wrong, it was stupid, it was foolish, but she wanted it. But that could stay a secret for now, it hurt enough without admitting that.*

[He tried not to let whatever she told him freak him out, even if this all seemed like something out of one of his Mum's tv programs. It all seemed so fantastic, but he was definitely one of the last people to ever talk about strange things happening.

Yuuri's expression softened at his confession, and he tried to put his thoughts into words as he spoke.]

It's hard now, but I think that you'll be able to understand and come to accept it in time. We never think rationally when the emotion is still fresh and raw, and you're not wrong for feeling the way you do just as he's not wrong for doing what he did to protect you.

I guess... it just- everything fell apart at once. And with my memories here it's all... jumbled. *She wished she could explain it better, but the words weren't there. Not in any way she liked anyway.*

He's the most important person to me, and a complete stranger, and a long lost annoyance, and my brother... all at once and every item should be mutually exclusive. And if we look at it from here, I hadn't even thought about him in years... now suddenly he's everything.

*Yuuri, Clare is sorry but she needs another hug. It's a totally platonic hug showing her desperate need for anything to replace her current feelings.* And I'm in a city at war with monsters, I wish I could just shove all these emotions away... I don't want them. *She does.* I'd be better off without them. *Debatable.*

Why can't life be simpler?

I'm not glad to you're back if you're not, but I'm glad to see you.

I... I don't know if I'm glad.

*She really doesn't.* I don't want to be back there, that's all I can really say for sure.

It doesn't sound like here is any better. Lie down and drink some juice if you can, it will help you calm down.

[ooc: "to see you're back" orz typos]

*Clare smiles, just a bit.* I think I shouldn't do both of those at once.

I- *Small reprieve gone* Its complicated, I don't know!

If I have to pick between here and there, I pick here. I don't want to go back again.

[OOC: Tis fine, I figured that's what it was.]

In that case, it's nice that you're back, too.

[She won't ask Clare for any more reasoning than she's already given. There's no need for it.]

It's not all bad here, you see.

Right, it isn't all bad here... *Clare sounds distracted.*

But the question is if the bad at home is worse than the bad here...

I guess that's what's bothering me...

It's not as though you need to decide right away. We wouldn't have a choice even if you did.

I guess. Just... I wish things would just once be stable.

I'm tired of guessing where my footing is.

Your words contradict one another. Which is it you wish?

I don't know! If I knew what I wished I probably would be in a better place than I am!

Then it's time to think, is it not?

I- I guess...

But it's a lot to think about, I- I don't know what I want to do with all this.

Focus on one then. The first that comes to mind if you cannot choose.

Do you prefer it here?

Yes-

Maybe-

Not if this happens again.

Then stop crying about your world. This is a good place as any to pick yourself back up.

*Clare just kinda glares, not sure how to respond. But it looks like she wants to say something unfriendly.*

*She stops struggling with if to talk to you or not and cuts the feed. She's declaring herself allowed a day to freak out.*

You went home for five months? Did you remember this place?

No... I only got back my memories from here when I returned.

Does anything that happens here really matter? If we go home with none of it?

I like to think it does. The people that I have met and the experiences that I have had...I don't really wish to lose those memories.

I... I don't want to lose them either.

I like myself better here than I do at home, I just-

*Clare isn't sure how to word it, so she moves on.* Maybe its because my world doesn't have anything like this. That your world might let you keep these memories.

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January 29th, 3 AM, Perma-Video.

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