soul_campaign | March 12th: SWM Seeking SWF [Text]

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March 12th: SWM Seeking SWF [Text]

Good evening, Death City. I trust you've been well.

I am a Single White Male seeking a Sexy Weapon Female, in case the abbreviations weren't clear. I'm a Meister, obviously, and apparently my ability is Soul Dazzle.

What else could it have been, right?

Contact me if you'd like to knock resonances... or anything else.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Barney doesn't know what he's talking about, but he's attempting this analogy anyway.]

You know those big bass fishing contests? Do you think that the grand champions win with the first fish they happen to reel in?

[shakes his head] I will take that mean that you haven't had any.

I'm waiting for a fish that's big enough to win the contest!

Piss. That makes it sound like I'll take fatties.

You don't? [innocently]

No. No, no no no no no no.

Come on, do I look like I'll take fatties?

I don't know. [His tone remains mild and maybe a bit too innocent now.] You look like you could do with someone capable of protecting you. That could very well be a larger male--or a very well-built female.

All right. I'll put it this way. If the best-looking girl in a bar or club or a Death City or whatever is a bit of a tubster, sure. Fine. I'll take her.

But let it be known that Barney Stinson is not a chubby chaser.

Edited 2012-08-10 14:10 (UTC)

[He looks perplexed--maybe slightly amused, but more perplexed.]

I don't see the point in telling me that, but all right, if it makes you happy to do so.

[shrugs] I don't remember ever seeing anyone not to your specifications, in any case.

Nothing makes me happier than talking about the hot chicks I like, except maybe hearing about how many of them are around.

What's your preference? Blondes? Brunettes? Tall, short, medium? Busty? Petite?

[... Now he's really confused.]

I don't... have one. [He shakes his head, as if to clear his confusion. It might be obvious that this is the first time someone's asked him such a question.] Or rather, I've never had the occasion to consider it.

You can tell me if you're gay, bro. That's not a problem.

But I don't know if I am. [And yet he's flushing in telltale embarrassment; at least aware of the possibility that he might have been considered as such if his meister hadn't left and the future Yuuri had told him about had come to pass.]

If you're not sure if you love big, glorious, beautiful titties, you probably don't.

[He's starting to feel vaguely alarmed.]

How about if I just don't have a preference either way?

Edited 2012-08-13 13:39 (UTC)

It means that you should get out there and have some kickass threesomes, is what it means.

[makes a disbelieving noise at the back of his throat]

Are sexual relations seriously the only thing you care about?

Uh, hell no! I will have you know that I am also fiercely dedicated to being awesome!

[He's shaking his head again, like he's realizing all over again how vastly different their priorities are.]

Your life must be really [boring] mundane if the most important goals you can think of are getting laid and being seen as awesome.

You know, even with you describing it like that, it sounds pretty incredible.

But let me straighten one thing out: being seen as being awesome? Not as important as just being awesome.

[It's such a perfectly irrepressible reply that Kurapika can't help laughing under his breath. His ill temper has long since gone, too--it's virtually impossible to stay offended for long when faced with someone so utterly and ingenuously self-assured.]

I give up. But please, at least attend a few morning training sessions and learn how to stay alive. There's no point in being awesome when you're dead.

[It's largely the same reason that Barney's friends from home keep him around.]

Sure thing, bro! I'll go to the next one, or something. I'll have to make sure I'm not meeting a honey.

... Why would you even set dates early in the morning...

[And as soon as he finishes asking the question, he shakes his head and withdraws it.]

No, never mind. I doubt that I'll ever understand your motivations no matter how many questions I ask.

Morning? Would.

Morning would.

...

Morning wood.

[Gleeful. So gleeful. He is seconds away from high-fiving himself. Then he gives in.]

Mirror five. Come on bro, that was freaking legendary.

What?

[What just happened. Kurapika blinks in utter incomprehension. He's frowning slightly, too--he doesn't like it when there's something he doesn't understand.]

What's legendary?

Edited 2012-08-16 14:09 (UTC)

You know what, bro?

Just never mind.

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[Video] I laughed, dammit.

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[Video] FYI, didn't know either, had to ask on Plurk akjsdfh

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