March 17th: We Are Stardust, We Are Golden, and Whatever Impresses Hippie Chicks [Text]

[legend_waitforit_dary]

Good morning, Death City! Somewhere out there, I know that there's a special lady who combines these attributes in one flawless package.

1. Good in bed
2. Great in bed
3. Spectacular in bed
4. Searching for all of the above in a sexy love torpedo named Barney Stinson!

Ladies, especially Weapon ladies, send in your replies before they start pouring in too fast for me to keep track of.

Dudes. Dudes. Cock block at your own risk. Because I will make fun of you if you post here. It will be ruthless, cruel, dirty low-down mockery. You've been warned, gentlemen.

Comments

[Video]

[snipingyourfail]

Is that supposed to move me? I'm a teacher. I regularly crush students' egos when they get cocky and misbehave.

[Video]

[legend_waitforit_dary]

My ego is like one of those giant jawbreakers, bro. It responds well when it gets some hot tongue action, but crushing just doesn't work.

[Video]

[snipingyourfail]

[Her eyes narrow dangerously.]

Stop calling me "bro".

[Video]

[legend_waitforit_dary]

[He frowns.]

...Why? Most guys consider it a compliment.

[Video]

[snipingyourfail]

[... Unforgivable. Normally she wouldn't feel offended at being mistaken for a man, but there's a first time for everything.

There's just something about a self-professed womanizer thinking she's a man that's really insulting.]

I am female.

[Video]

[legend_waitforit_dary]

...Oh.

Yeah, I'm really sorry. It's just that most of the guys in this city look like women, and most of the women look like some fanboy's inflated ideal.

Shit. That was almost more insulting, wasn't it? I swear I'm not trying to make you feel bad.

Tell you what. I'll take you out for drinks to properly apologize for this. It's the least I can do.

[Video]

[snipingyourfail]

[unimpressed]

Do I look like the kind of person who would accept the offer of drink in complete contradiction to my disapproval of your promiscuity?

[Video]

[legend_waitforit_dary]

I am done commenting on your looks, lady. It seems to just get me in trouble.

[Video]

[snipingyourfail]

Trouble only of your own making.