March 17th: We Are Stardust, We Are Golden, and Whatever Impresses Hippie Chicks [Text]

[legend_waitforit_dary]

Good morning, Death City! Somewhere out there, I know that there's a special lady who combines these attributes in one flawless package.

1. Good in bed
2. Great in bed
3. Spectacular in bed
4. Searching for all of the above in a sexy love torpedo named Barney Stinson!

Ladies, especially Weapon ladies, send in your replies before they start pouring in too fast for me to keep track of.

Dudes. Dudes. Cock block at your own risk. Because I will make fun of you if you post here. It will be ruthless, cruel, dirty low-down mockery. You've been warned, gentlemen.

Comments

[Video]

[erostripperella]

If you are looking for a Weapon, this isn't the best way to find one, I believe.

[Video]

[legend_waitforit_dary]

Whether you're a Weapon or not, I'd love to hear more about your beliefs.

text

[litebrite]

Generally When Someone Is Seeking Red Solicitations They Are Not As General In Their Intent
Have You Tried Asking One Particular Person Rather Than An Antire Network
Or Is It Normal For A Human To Ask For One Qualification And Generalize An Entire Human Population

[ ooc: If you'd rather not have the green, let me know! ]

text

[legend_waitforit_dary]

That has to make your hands tired. Pressing shift for the beginning of every single word, and all that.

What are you? You talk like a robot or an alien or something. WHAT IS THE GENERAL INTENT OF RED SOLICITATIONS, BEEP BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BOOP WHIRRRRRRR, SOLICITATIONS BEEP BEEP ENTIRE HUMAN POPULATION BOOP

Without the beeps and boops, mind you, but you see my point.

[OOC: Go for it! I don't have a problem with any troll quirks. :) ]

video;

[splinterstrider]

Why you gotta break balls.

[Video]

[legend_waitforit_dary]

Oh! Ohhhhhh oh oh oh oh OH!

First up! This is going to be brutal.

[He has a beautiful singing voice. Witness!]

Some bro whined about his broken balls,
Whoaaa, whoa, bro-broken balls!
Those glasses make him look like his head is too small,
Little bro, get some new shades at the mall!

Video

[ritsu_kouyou]

You are deplorable.

Video

[legend_waitforit_dary]

Yes, I am. Maybe I just need a sweet and gentle, kind guiding hand to nourish me back to decency.

Video

[shadow_star]

[ Wh.. what is this post. Even. Wha...? ]

I-- in bed?


[ How.. what.. i.. what... ]

Video

[legend_waitforit_dary]

Or on the couch. Or the floor. Or the shower. Or the kitchen, though I don't really advocate that.

So there are a lot of options, is my point.

[Voice]

[yamagishi]

W-What?

Um, I'm not sure this is the best way to get a Weapon...

[Voice]

[legend_waitforit_dary]

Oh? Have you tried this before? I've been hoping that someone could relate, it's about damn time.

[towered]

Er.

[ ...what even... ]

This...this hardly seems appropriate.

[Video]

[legend_waitforit_dary]

Sweetheart. In this world, there are the "appropriate" men, and then there are the fascinating, exceptional, amazing men that women want to be with.

video

[weaponry]

[ Hello, Barney Stinson! Have one (1) Tenten holding up a sign that has the word "DENIED" stamped on the front. ]

How many times have you posted here looking for sexy Weapon ladies to find none responding to your offers? [ Tactlessness incoming in 3.... 2.... 1... ]

video

[legend_waitforit_dary]

[He tilts his head and scrutinizes you.]

Wait... are you even a woman? I mean, your voice says you are, but... I've been wrong here before.

[Video]

[shendefeng]

[He knows not what this "cock block" is, but he says he will be ruthless, cruel, and do low-down mockery, which when coupled with the word "dirty" gives its implications straight away.]

Pray pardon, but what is this "cock block" that you are talking about?

[Because clearly, this is all that he takes away from this.]

[Video]

[legend_waitforit_dary]

Whoa.

OK. OK. You don't know. I guess I can't make fun of you. Also you're clearly not on the market for human poontang.

Ummmm OK. So cockblocking is a highly dishonorable practice that was frowned upon even in the early days of our founding fathers! It's where one bro knows that another bro is trying to score, and he deliberately inserts himself between hunter and quarry. Totally uncool.

[Video]

[sayatakagi]

You are so disgusting.

Children use this network, you know?!

/gently threadjacks, text

[dungenessmaster]

WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING? IF SHIBUSEN'S DOWN WITH SIX-SWEEP-OLDS BRANDISHING BALLISTIC WEAPONRY IN BATTLE, AND WHO ISN'T, THEN WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT THIS ONE BONE-PANNED ASSHOLE WHO CAN ONLY THINK WITH HIS BULGE?

[ video ]

[perfectorder]

[he heard the warning. but this is the leader of Death City here with very high gentleman moral codes.

bring it on.]

You can't be serious.

[ video ]

[legend_waitforit_dary]

[Barney beams, just staring at the video image of Kid, sizing him up.

Then he breaks into song.]

Oh when I was a lad, Tom Sawer told me
That white-washing a fence was as fun as could be!
It was every bit as awesome as Tom Sawyer said,
But I ended up white-washing some kid's head!

Now he mopes around, and he looks like he'd be
Much happier if he white-washed Tom's fence, like me!

text

[3rdbest]

[challenge accepted]

Has that ever worked for you?

text

[legend_waitforit_dary]

Oh, you, bro? Are you really sure you want this?

[OOC: Just double checking! Did they play laser tag, and how did it go?]

[Voice]

[cheery_thief]

I must say you are quite...forward with your intentions. I do not condone this normally, but perhaps this is normal for Death City? Either way, do what you will. Though I must ask: What is a...cockblock?

[Voice]

[legend_waitforit_dary]

[He's a dude, but Barney decides not to make fun of him yet. He's not white-knighting, he's just asking for a bit of info.]

It's like some kind of alien world to me, bro. I've had a few drinks thrown in my face, granted, but I've never been universally treated like the scum of the earth because I'm looking to pair off with some ladies.

Cockblocking is pretty much what it sounds like. Standing between a guy and his chosen tango partner to prevent coupling. It's super douchey.

Video

[madamabfly]

[Bayonetta cackles. Oh Barney, you never do change, do you?]

I'd make an offer, but I apologize-- I'm taken.

Video

[legend_waitforit_dary]

[Would you change classic? Would you? Would you?]

The good ones always are.

[video]

[trageteas]

[For the first (and perhaps [hopefully?] last) time in his life, Jules decides to take advantage of the fact that it is apparently easy to mistake him for a woman.]

I'm sorry, but this is not a pornography network and there may be children reading it. Kindly take your advances to an appropriate venue, such as the strip club.

[video]

[legend_waitforit_dary]

Death City is weird for a lot of reasons, but I admit that it's only here that I've been made to feel like a pervert for being attracted to women.

I'm very perverted, mind you. If you think posting looking for an interested girl or two is "pornography", I shudder to imagine what you'd think of my collection back home.

[Video]

[tallerbrooklyndevil]

[She tries to say something but just starts laughing instead.]

[Video]

[legend_waitforit_dary]

Your laugh is as cute as your cowgirl hat. Fancy a roll in the hay?

video; (im sorry)

[glassworkgenius]

... People get scored for how they sleep!?

[ It's more statement than question. Geez you can be competitive about anything these days. ]

[Video] XD

[legend_waitforit_dary]

Ahaha.

Well. Technically for what they do before they sleep, kiddo.

[Video]

[pulverizer]

[Marie just stares at the communicator for a moment. Forward, much?]

Um...a Weapon/Meister partnership doesn't really work like that...

[Video]

[legend_waitforit_dary]

It doesn't sound so different, to me.

[Video] Pretend this isn't late at all

[itsalright]

[My you're a fascinating man, Barney.]


It doesn't seem you're getting a lot of takers, Barney...

Maybe you should try another method?

[Video]

[legend_waitforit_dary]

Yeah. The bar is a good place to get chicks, but the Shibusen people aren't there much. I end up with civilians who can't change their form into something sharp and pointy.

[Video]

[usedforcepalm]

This is kind of rude, sir.

[She makes a note to herself to keep this man away from Hinata.]

They didn't create the DEMISE network so people could use it to look for girls to sleep with.

[Video]

[legend_waitforit_dary]

If "girls to sleep with" was all I wanted, I'd just go to the bar.

[video]

[consider8]

[Oh, she knows how to deal with guys like you. Even though she's also fairly sure this can backfire greatly, but it's worth it.

She clicks on the video just long enough for Barney to get a long, drawing grin spread on her face. Then, before he can even say anything, she turns off her feed and blocks all incoming anythings for the rest of the day.]

[reaction]

[legend_waitforit_dary]

[Uh. OK. She's cute, Barney guesses. For a non-human and someone who's clearly too young for him.

He has to admit that she's the first one to immediately block him, though.]

[Video]

[snipingyourfail]

[Okay. This has gone on long enough.]

Sir, I am going to have to tell you to stop soliciting on the DEMISE network. The next infraction will end with your account being blocked for an indeterminate period of time.

[Video]

[legend_waitforit_dary]

What?

Sir, this is clearly a misunderstanding. Other people are on this network asking about partners all the time.

[ioudas]

If you manage to get a partner out of this, I'll buy you a drink.

[legend_waitforit_dary]

I like gin and tonics, but if it's on your dime, I think I'll be having 30-year-old scotch.