o3. thursday april 1st / text

[scribes]

Recently I was introduced to a practice that does not exist in my home world.

Said practice is 'marriage' and I became rather curious about it. Someone suggested to me that I read some wedding planning books or romance novels to learn more about it. I asked one of the sales person at the nearby bookstore for their most popular romance novels.

[At this point there is a very long pause in Disciple's reading as she tries to find a way to put this politely. She was pretty certain what she had been reading in these books was exaggerated, or some weird fetish fulfillment but what if it wasn't and she just ended up insulting a bunch of people?]

I

[And there she stops again]

am confused. By a lot of things I have read in these books and would like clarification on some things so I do not go off with the wrong ideas of the romantic practices of humans. I'd rather not go into detail about what I have read in some of these books since I understand we have some young ones with access to this network, so if someone could just tell me about marriage and the human quadrant system I would be much obliged.

Comments

text; oh she would love doing this anyway, would she?

[scribes]

[Wait, wait]

Reading such books is necessary for this ritual? I thought they were meant to educate me, and only a couple have actually touched on it.

text; yes, but that's not the point here

[thorny]

Absolutely necessary if one is truly certain about eternal commitment to a single partner. It may seem a bit dense to the uninitiated, but to those trained to pick up on matrimonial subtleties they're a veritable treasure trove of information.

The point of the whole test is to pick out the couples who haven't properly prepared themselves to take the plunge. It's a way to save time and emotions on all sides.

text; well have at rose because di quite scandalized

[scribes]

Well I suppose as someone who only just learned of the concept a day ago I can't really argue.

[Though she wants to. She really, really does.]

Perhaps you can enlighten me then.

text; excellent

[thorny]

I would be more than happy to serve as cultural ambassador to you, although as this is a rather expansive subject you'll forgive me for requesting that you name a subset of it for me to begin with.

[scribes]

What does romance mean to humans, I suppose. You lack a quadrant system but it s33ms like you have many other rituals to complicate it.

[thorny]

It's true, what we lack on structural complexity we more than make up for in adornments. Romance is a cross between masochism and the desire to satisfy carnal urges while avoiding being convicted as a felon in the process. It involves at minimum three amusingly awkward situations, one large misunderstanding, and a dash to the airport accompanied by vapid pop music.

[scribes]

[Ok, even Di can see through that. She just. Rubs at her eyes. What is even going on anymore.]

Ind33d?

[thorny]

[oh Disciple, if you think that this isn't going to get more complicated you're in for a surprise]

I'm sensing a hint of disbelief in your tone, but I can assure you that every last word of it is true. Would you care for some outside sources as proof?

[scribes]

[oh boy oh boy.

she'll decide to go along with it. curiosity killed the cat and all]

Very well. Proof is always good.

[thorny]

It is quite possibly one of the most integral parts of conversation, particularly in establishing trust. Perish the thought that I wouldn't be willing to back up my claims with hard evidence.

[and so Rose lists the name of the Death City equivalent of a few relevant movies to prove her point]

[scribes]

[Di has never seen any movies but she learned some things after hanging out with Matt]

I shall give these a look then, thank you.

[Even if she is still certain you are messing with her B|]

[thorny]

No trouble at all. I'm sure that you'll find them a sight more informative than the texts.

[YEAH YOU'LL THINK THAT UNTIL YOU START WATCHING THEM ;)]

[scribes]

[Shhhh.]

I do so hope.

Are there any other especially important ceremonies pertaining to romance that humans practice?

[thorny]

The periodic presentation of chocolate is one of the most fundamental pieces of a healthy romantic relationship. The entire thing folds like a house of cards without it.

[scribes]

And why wouldn't it? What caring lover doesn't frequently gift chocolate upon the other?

[thorny]

The sort that wishes to watch their significant other transform into a screeching harpy due to critical failure in hormone balancing, I'd imagine.

[scribes]

Well, I would best get mine some soon. We wouldn't want that.

[thorny]

Far be it from me to judge the private tastes of those in a relationship, but it's usually a good idea as a general rule.

[scribes]

[She was just joking around at first but hey! Why not actually get Signless some chocolate?]

There s33m to be several places in Death City that cater to sw33ts. Which do you think is the best?

[thorny]

My personal favorite is Death By Pastry, although whether this stems from actual quality or my being a slave to habit will be a mystery forever unsolved.

[scribes]

Then I will be certain to peruse what they have to offer. To who do I owe my thanks for so enlightening me?

[thorny]

Rose. There's no thanks necessary, as dumping information on unsuspecting personages is merely one of the many tasks I'm required to carry out as a member of the noble circle of flighty broads.