April 8th | Text

[realimperfect]

I've been thinking, lately, about something I experienced back in the place where I was born..

If you could meet yourself as a child…

Would she/he be proud of you?

What kind of excuse would you say to excuse the things you've done or the person you've become?

Comments

[text]

[diedforyoursins]

Do you regret your actions?

[text]

[realimperfect]

I've never settled on whether I do or not, to date. A part of me wonders if I started everything that would come to pass with being curious, but other days my sense wins out and I recognize it would have happened regardless.

[text]

[diedforyoursins]

Acceptance is not the same thing as not regretting something. But regardless, if everything occurred because of the choices you made, and you admit that you would not change it, then you are only unnecessary damaging your own psyche by worrying over the opinions of a version of you from before you made those choices. It is masochistic.

[and he likes to think he has some real expertise on the importance of choice.]

[text]

[realimperfect]

I'm not thinking on it as hard, or punishing myself as throughly, as you seem to believe I am. But still, sometimes it isn't so bad to remind oneself of anything embarrassing or... particularly striking in our lives to remind ourselves of how far we've come.

It's not necessarily entirely masochistic.

[text]

[diedforyoursins]

Then why do you worry about your past self being proud, about needing to excuse what you have done? Having come far is certainly a good thing, but you do not sound content when actually talking about it.

[text]

[realimperfect]

I have periods of restlessness, at times. Like most teenagers do. Contentment is hard to reach here, anyway, away from everything I'd grown even remotely content with.

This is why I work so much, so my mind doesn't have time to wander to these subjects.