soul_campaign | [april 28th // video]

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[april 28th // video]

[kaworu seems happy today -- more so than normal, and a great distance from his melancholy the last time he'd posted to the network.]

What sort of sweets does everyone here like? Or types of cookies? I have a friend who is teaching me how to cook, but I do not have much experience with what others enjoy most...

[he mostly wants yako and mello's answers, but being that specific would ruin the surprise so it's simpler to leave things vague for now.]

[filtered to takuto]

You can come over whenever you want now, if you would still like.

[filtered to shinji]

[his tone and expression soften and he gives the little mirror a gentle smile, somehow different from the sort he shows everyone else. as much as he loved all his friends here, he hadn't really considered the difference until he could once more see shinji.]

Are you ready?

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{She just shakes her head, raking a hand through her hair roughly as her jaw trembles and she struggles to breathe. Her eyes are noticeably shiny and dilated, but far worse is the look on her face. Yako looks betrayed, almost, as if he had revealed that he killed cute furry creatures in his spare time and had invited her along next time.}

[~~only in the manga.~~ for his part, at least he looks incredibly guilty now, and a little helpless. he would have done the same thing, given the chance to redo it all, even despite how it has hurt shinji, and he had no regrets about dying, but seriously. stop making him feel terrible for the greatest sacrifice he could possibly make.]

...It was that or risk him being killed. Killing all of mankind. I just...

[just wanted to be a little selfish and die in his own way, at the hands of someone who cared. but that wasn't just a "little" selfish, was it? especially after he'd gotten to see for himself how torn up over it shinji still was.]

...I...I c-can't...

{She shakes her head harder. She can't talk about this. Can't think of it, not without seeing the old man's face, seeing the needle and the bridge and hearing this horrible anguished screaming that just kept going and going until she realized that the one screaming was her and that had all really just happened—

She lets out a strangled, pained noise and buries her face in her hands, shaking like a leaf.

Some scars are just too deep.}

...There was no other choice.

[his words are weak and he knows the defense is shaky, but he doesn't know what to do with this. how to make yako stop hurting, or how to step back from this intense guilt that he shouldn't even have to feel.

these are human emotions and he's always just been playing at experiencing them, always just enjoyed the best of them and ignored the worst because he's supposed to be above all that, only spoken of the beauty of their sadness without having to feel it so deeply. he should be able to just...distance himself from this as well, with the quiet reminder from his self as tabris that he had never needed any of this before and it did not have to cling to him now, not like how humans could never escape their despair.

but it clings anyway, all the guilt and shame and horror at upsetting her this much and causing shinji so much pain.]

I-I'm so-orry.

{She fumbles blindly towards the mirror and flips it over. The screen goes black, but the sounds of her raggedly scrambling to regain her composure are still being transmitted.}

[that apology does nothing to comfort him, and he just stares at the black screen helplessly for a long few moments, unable to do anything but listen to her hurting.]

...Yako, please. I am sorry.

{It's probably a good thing that the mirror's position muffles his voice. Yako spends a few long minutes forcing herself away from a total breakdown/panic attack. Her breathing eventually evens out, and after another long moment the mirror is tilted back up.

Yako is visibly drained, and hugging her mammoth dog like a lifeline.}

...sorry.

[he still looks miserable when she returns, and even the sight of her somewhat calmer and not alone does little to soothe him.]

...I did not mean to upset you.

It...you stepped on a landmine. That's all.

{It's a testament to how much she cares about you that she tries to smile and move on, Kaworu.}

[on some level he does appreciate that, but for the moment he's mostly overwhelmed by a very lost feeling. he's not sure how to continue from here, what he's supposed to say in the face of that beyond more apologies for something he still wouldn't change. how can he ask her to meet shinji when she knows what he had done to him?]

...Sorry.

...you've felt my soul. It was only a matter of time before we hit a crack.

{There's a faint bitterness in the words; she had almost let herself feel normal, even with Sai-related stress. Of course life had to toss a curveball that made it clear to not only her but one of her dear friends just how fragile she still was, for all the strength she had built up.}

Still...I should not have upset you like that. [even if he hadn't known. the logic of it all is a bit ignored at the moment in the face of "no i need to make this better right now".]

I'm pretty sure Sai, Takuto and Mello are the only people here who could have known I might react so...explosively.

Sorry. [he's starting to sound like shinji now.]

Please don't.

{She doesn't think she's the one who deserves an apology.}

[he looks like he's just barely stopping himself from apologizing again. but it just leads to an awkward silence, and eventually he just drops his gaze from the communicator entirely.]

...He is still here, regardless.

I hope he's settling in alright.

I wanted him to meet you.

[but now he's worried that just that might trigger you again so...]

...sorry. I'd probably just embarrass you right now, huh?

Not right now either way. He is...nervous around others, and Takuto is already coming over. I do not want to overwhelm him.

...oh. Okay then.

I just happened to talk to Takuto first. That is all.

[and he'd wanted to wait until he had a thank you present for you anyway. for the whole taking care of him while he was sick thing.]

Kaworu, you don't need to justify yourself. It's not like I expect to be your number one priority.

I just...do not want you to think that Takuto is.

I already know he isn't. Neither of us are.

private video; I feel like I should give you a link so you can fully appreciate how deep this goes

private video; ahaha...ha.... whoops?

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