soul_campaign | March 12th: SWM Seeking SWF [Text]

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March 12th: SWM Seeking SWF [Text]

Good evening, Death City. I trust you've been well.

I am a Single White Male seeking a Sexy Weapon Female, in case the abbreviations weren't clear. I'm a Meister, obviously, and apparently my ability is Soul Dazzle.

What else could it have been, right?

Contact me if you'd like to knock resonances... or anything else.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Between us? I don't think I'll be limiting myself to one Weapon or one woman. It would have to be a hell of a bro for us to be compatible, but that's a good point. Weapon and Meister relationships are like... well, relationships, and I tend to avoid those.

[An odd look crosses his face.]

Then I'll have to warn you. You're assuming that to be compatible means you'll have to get along with your partner first--and that to be truly compatible with another man you'll have to be good--bros--[The word, delicately pronounced, sounds utterly foreign on his tongue.]--for it to be possible, but that's not always the case. Soul compatibility seems to be determined by how well your traits match up with each other, and not how well you relate with other people.

If we're going to be roomies, we have to be bros, or she has to be hot enough to sleep with more than once.

[makes a face]

You don't ask for much, do you? Tell me, have you had any offers even after bandying your requirements about so crudely?

[Barney doesn't know what he's talking about, but he's attempting this analogy anyway.]

You know those big bass fishing contests? Do you think that the grand champions win with the first fish they happen to reel in?

[shakes his head] I will take that mean that you haven't had any.

I'm waiting for a fish that's big enough to win the contest!

Piss. That makes it sound like I'll take fatties.

You don't? [innocently]

No. No, no no no no no no.

Come on, do I look like I'll take fatties?

I don't know. [His tone remains mild and maybe a bit too innocent now.] You look like you could do with someone capable of protecting you. That could very well be a larger male--or a very well-built female.

All right. I'll put it this way. If the best-looking girl in a bar or club or a Death City or whatever is a bit of a tubster, sure. Fine. I'll take her.

But let it be known that Barney Stinson is not a chubby chaser.

Edited 2012-08-10 14:10 (UTC)

[He looks perplexed--maybe slightly amused, but more perplexed.]

I don't see the point in telling me that, but all right, if it makes you happy to do so.

[shrugs] I don't remember ever seeing anyone not to your specifications, in any case.

Nothing makes me happier than talking about the hot chicks I like, except maybe hearing about how many of them are around.

What's your preference? Blondes? Brunettes? Tall, short, medium? Busty? Petite?

[... Now he's really confused.]

I don't... have one. [He shakes his head, as if to clear his confusion. It might be obvious that this is the first time someone's asked him such a question.] Or rather, I've never had the occasion to consider it.

You can tell me if you're gay, bro. That's not a problem.

But I don't know if I am. [And yet he's flushing in telltale embarrassment; at least aware of the possibility that he might have been considered as such if his meister hadn't left and the future Yuuri had told him about had come to pass.]

If you're not sure if you love big, glorious, beautiful titties, you probably don't.

[He's starting to feel vaguely alarmed.]

How about if I just don't have a preference either way?

Edited 2012-08-13 13:39 (UTC)

It means that you should get out there and have some kickass threesomes, is what it means.

[makes a disbelieving noise at the back of his throat]

Are sexual relations seriously the only thing you care about?

Uh, hell no! I will have you know that I am also fiercely dedicated to being awesome!

[He's shaking his head again, like he's realizing all over again how vastly different their priorities are.]

Your life must be really [boring] mundane if the most important goals you can think of are getting laid and being seen as awesome.

You know, even with you describing it like that, it sounds pretty incredible.

But let me straighten one thing out: being seen as being awesome? Not as important as just being awesome.

[It's such a perfectly irrepressible reply that Kurapika can't help laughing under his breath. His ill temper has long since gone, too--it's virtually impossible to stay offended for long when faced with someone so utterly and ingenuously self-assured.]

I give up. But please, at least attend a few morning training sessions and learn how to stay alive. There's no point in being awesome when you're dead.

[It's largely the same reason that Barney's friends from home keep him around.]

Sure thing, bro! I'll go to the next one, or something. I'll have to make sure I'm not meeting a honey.

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