March 17th: We Are Stardust, We Are Golden, and Whatever Impresses Hippie Chicks [Text]

[legend_waitforit_dary]

Good morning, Death City! Somewhere out there, I know that there's a special lady who combines these attributes in one flawless package.

1. Good in bed
2. Great in bed
3. Spectacular in bed
4. Searching for all of the above in a sexy love torpedo named Barney Stinson!

Ladies, especially Weapon ladies, send in your replies before they start pouring in too fast for me to keep track of.

Dudes. Dudes. Cock block at your own risk. Because I will make fun of you if you post here. It will be ruthless, cruel, dirty low-down mockery. You've been warned, gentlemen.

Comments

[Video]

[snipingyourfail]

I find it hard to believe that you can't even tell the age of the people you're talking to, considering that you've been professing to be such an expert on women.

[Video]

[legend_waitforit_dary]

I appreciate the faith you have in my abilities, but the truth is that there's not much physical difference between someone who is 17 and someone who is 18 or 19. Cut a guy some slack!

[Video]

[snipingyourfail]

You are in an academic city. Almost all of the students here are underage! Adjust your thinking right now if you don't want Nevada lawyers screaming for your blood for sexual harassment and pedophilia.

[Video]

[legend_waitforit_dary]

So, you're telling me that it's a college town in Nevada.

Last I heard, Nevada's age of consent is 16. I'm from New York, where it's 17.

But my own personal standards are 18 despite all that, so that should tell you something about me. If you call me a pedophile, I'm calling you a murderer, because you're killing joy.

[Video]

[snipingyourfail]

Is that supposed to move me? I'm a teacher. I regularly crush students' egos when they get cocky and misbehave.

[Video]

[legend_waitforit_dary]

My ego is like one of those giant jawbreakers, bro. It responds well when it gets some hot tongue action, but crushing just doesn't work.

[Video]

[snipingyourfail]

[Her eyes narrow dangerously.]

Stop calling me "bro".

[Video]

[legend_waitforit_dary]

[He frowns.]

...Why? Most guys consider it a compliment.

[Video]

[snipingyourfail]

[... Unforgivable. Normally she wouldn't feel offended at being mistaken for a man, but there's a first time for everything.

There's just something about a self-professed womanizer thinking she's a man that's really insulting.]

I am female.

[Video]

[legend_waitforit_dary]

...Oh.

Yeah, I'm really sorry. It's just that most of the guys in this city look like women, and most of the women look like some fanboy's inflated ideal.

Shit. That was almost more insulting, wasn't it? I swear I'm not trying to make you feel bad.

Tell you what. I'll take you out for drinks to properly apologize for this. It's the least I can do.

[Video]

[snipingyourfail]

[unimpressed]

Do I look like the kind of person who would accept the offer of drink in complete contradiction to my disapproval of your promiscuity?

[Video]

[legend_waitforit_dary]

I am done commenting on your looks, lady. It seems to just get me in trouble.

[Video]

[snipingyourfail]

Trouble only of your own making.