soul_campaign | [april 28th // video]

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[april 28th // video]

[kaworu seems happy today -- more so than normal, and a great distance from his melancholy the last time he'd posted to the network.]

What sort of sweets does everyone here like? Or types of cookies? I have a friend who is teaching me how to cook, but I do not have much experience with what others enjoy most...

[he mostly wants yako and mello's answers, but being that specific would ruin the surprise so it's simpler to leave things vague for now.]

[filtered to takuto]

You can come over whenever you want now, if you would still like.

[filtered to shinji]

[his tone and expression soften and he gives the little mirror a gentle smile, somehow different from the sort he shows everyone else. as much as he loved all his friends here, he hadn't really considered the difference until he could once more see shinji.]

Are you ready?

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[oh, right.]

I was sick then, so I suppose it did not really strike me at that time... [he's not really sure whether he should be pouting or apologetic or what, even with the reassurance that it's a joke.]

It's not like I'm offended, so don't worry. But I have a bunch of baking recipes lying around since I make treats for the Agency, if you want them.

I would not mind. Which is your favorite? [so smooth.]

Hm...

You know, I'm not sure I actually have one! I love all food.

What about dark chocolate? [it would certainly make his life easier if he could make the same kind for both mello and yako.]

Chocolate is always a winner.

Good to know.

So tell me more about this friend who can cook. Do I know them?

No. He is...new here. From my world.

Does he...know?

[yeah he knows what you're talking about. and he appreciates that filter.]

He is the one I asked to kill me. [so yes.]

....

{For a long moment she just stares, totally still and silent. And then, horribly weak and soft:}

You what.

...I did not tell you that? [ugh, human memories can be so shoddy, and he's told so much to so many different people, it's hard to keep track of who knows what. that probably wasn't the best way to tell her, though.]

I think I'd remember my friend telling me he forced someone else to become a murderer.

{Is her breath quickening?}

[oh.]

I would never have forced him... Are you alright?

[stop that it's not supposed to be a big deal he's the one who died D:]

No. No, you don't get to try to justify this! Do you have any idea of what it's like, just being there when someone kills themselves? When...when you have to w-watch their life fly away, when you see the corpse f-fall, when you keep thinking how could I ha-have st... S-Sto...Sto-o-opped...

{Yeah, she's pretty much hyperventilating.}

[he sort of just. blinks for a moment. because he's not used to being told off by anyone, let alone her. and he winces slightly, her words striking at the already-existing guilt for putting shinji in that position, and now she's getting all upset and oh crap.]

Yako, calm down.

[he would really like to run out and talk her down in person, but her boyfriend and shinji are already on their way over...crap.]

{She just shakes her head, raking a hand through her hair roughly as her jaw trembles and she struggles to breathe. Her eyes are noticeably shiny and dilated, but far worse is the look on her face. Yako looks betrayed, almost, as if he had revealed that he killed cute furry creatures in his spare time and had invited her along next time.}

[~~only in the manga.~~ for his part, at least he looks incredibly guilty now, and a little helpless. he would have done the same thing, given the chance to redo it all, even despite how it has hurt shinji, and he had no regrets about dying, but seriously. stop making him feel terrible for the greatest sacrifice he could possibly make.]

...It was that or risk him being killed. Killing all of mankind. I just...

[just wanted to be a little selfish and die in his own way, at the hands of someone who cared. but that wasn't just a "little" selfish, was it? especially after he'd gotten to see for himself how torn up over it shinji still was.]

...I...I c-can't...

{She shakes her head harder. She can't talk about this. Can't think of it, not without seeing the old man's face, seeing the needle and the bridge and hearing this horrible anguished screaming that just kept going and going until she realized that the one screaming was her and that had all really just happened—

She lets out a strangled, pained noise and buries her face in her hands, shaking like a leaf.

Some scars are just too deep.}

...There was no other choice.

[his words are weak and he knows the defense is shaky, but he doesn't know what to do with this. how to make yako stop hurting, or how to step back from this intense guilt that he shouldn't even have to feel.

these are human emotions and he's always just been playing at experiencing them, always just enjoyed the best of them and ignored the worst because he's supposed to be above all that, only spoken of the beauty of their sadness without having to feel it so deeply. he should be able to just...distance himself from this as well, with the quiet reminder from his self as tabris that he had never needed any of this before and it did not have to cling to him now, not like how humans could never escape their despair.

but it clings anyway, all the guilt and shame and horror at upsetting her this much and causing shinji so much pain.]

I-I'm so-orry.

{She fumbles blindly towards the mirror and flips it over. The screen goes black, but the sounds of her raggedly scrambling to regain her composure are still being transmitted.}

[that apology does nothing to comfort him, and he just stares at the black screen helplessly for a long few moments, unable to do anything but listen to her hurting.]

...Yako, please. I am sorry.

{It's probably a good thing that the mirror's position muffles his voice. Yako spends a few long minutes forcing herself away from a total breakdown/panic attack. Her breathing eventually evens out, and after another long moment the mirror is tilted back up.

Yako is visibly drained, and hugging her mammoth dog like a lifeline.}

...sorry.

[he still looks miserable when she returns, and even the sight of her somewhat calmer and not alone does little to soothe him.]

...I did not mean to upset you.

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private video; I feel like I should give you a link so you can fully appreciate how deep this goes

private video; ahaha...ha.... whoops?

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