soul_campaign

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VIDEO

[There is quite abruptly a very upset teenage troll on the screen. He's glaring at the camera as if it has personally offended him. Normally he would have done this over text, but he wants to see familiar faces, and besides, the best speeches aren't given over text.]

Listen up, nooksniffers. Here's how this is going to go. I don't have time for this war. I'm already fighting in one, and that one I actually give a shit about. Since I can't leave until this place stops getting his ass kicked, the plan is to win this stupid war as quickly as possible so we can all get back to our miserable lives wherever we came from.

Okay? Good. So, what's being done around here to get everyone battle ready? Whatever it is, sign me up. I need to figure out this whole fucking "being a weapon" thing. [He even does the air quotes for added effect.] Talk to me about the training and shit. Otherwise, keep your squawk blisters shut and brutally destroy those Kishin things.

With one exception. [He raises his pointer finger at the camera. It is not the finger he's used to raising, and he very nearly flubs that up. He's used to giving speeches over text, alright. Maybe he should have done that instead...] I've already seen a couple of familiar faces around here, which leads me to believe there might be more somewhat tolerable assholes around here that I might be familiar with. If you are one of those losers, report to me so I know who's here and therefore not in as much grave danger. Worrying about you bulgelickers is a full time fucking job, alright, and I don't want to have to worry any more than I have to, because it's annoying as shit.

Alright, I'm out. [There's a little fumble and a muffled curse, along with a lovely view of the floor of Karkat's place in Casualty Communal before the feed cuts out.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Hi to you too, idiot.

God damn it Dave I kind of need the fucking training. As much as I want to jump right into doing shit, I kind of need to figure out how to transform before I start on the Watch.

Alright, I wouldn't mind working with you and John too. You're good with blades, anyway, even if they're fucking lame ass swords. I'll check out your stupid hive too. John will probably show me around whether I like it or not.

I shouldn't have mentioned it. I didn't realize you two were behind me on the timeline, but yeah, things do not work out well, or at least, you seem to think so. I still don't get why it's so bad. She's more cheerful and shit.

Besides being bombarded with a shit ton of information all at once, not fucking much. You? You're still alive, which is a good fucking sign. How long have you been here?

Me and John joined the Watch within our first four days here, it's not all that hard. And Chondy up there actually gave you some pretty good advice, the sure fire way to transform is throwing yourself down a flight of stairs. John didn't want me tossing him down the stairs though, so what worked for him was he imagined a situation where all of his friends were in danger and it was up to him to save them, and it all depended on his ability to transform. Almost sent himself into a stupid panic attack imagining all of us dying and him not able to do anything about it, but it worked for the first time. Once you transform for the first time, you can remember the feeling and go from there.

Hell, we had our first mission in our first week, no time like the present to get shit done and learn along the way. John's already got two souls to show for it and everything. Haven't exactly been on any since then though, arrived just at the end of April so we've both been here for almost three weeks now.

Rose had been here for six months before, and yeah she was way younger. I'll point out the issues of alcoholism to you later but there's something I wanted to talk about.

[He pauses because how the fuck does he say this? God dammit. Dave actually looks a bit more serious and not at all pleased.]

I've been watching your conversation with John.

[And he didn't know about Terezi and Gamzee, had suspicions but not absolutely positive.]

Looks like my suspicions were spot on. Had kind of been hoping I was just being paranoid.

Dave, I am not throwing myself down a fucking flight of stairs. That is the stupidest idea I've ever heard. And I'm not having a god damn panic attack either. I'll just...I don't know think about transforming or something. I'll work it out eventually.

_{[Oh god he feels awful. He is just not good at keeping his mouth shut.]} Shit. I'm sorry Dave. I should have thought about the fact that you might be listening in before I said anything. If it helps, Gamzee and I aren't moirails anymore, and we had this whole fucking epic chat about how stupid his awful religion is.

Try to think about a situation where your friends are in danger and it all rests on your ability to transform to protect them, that's the general idea I got from it. I trust you not to be as stupid as John and get so invested in the idea.

[Yeah, it just confirms it. He sighs, running a hand through his hair as he leans back on the couch.]

It's cool, I kind of saw this coming. Like, when I first got here I spoke to this guy named Hal, he was an AI turned human of Dirk, who was basically teen bro that we saw in the dream bubble take away teen sleeping mom, and he said something to me. He asked if I had any relationships going on, and I told him about Terezi and how I wasn't sure if she was going behind my back or not, and his exact fucking words were "So you're single then" and it hit kind of hard, but at that moment I thought he might be right because I didn't fucking know. So don't sweat it bro, this just fucking confirms it. It sucks, but there's nothing to be done now or then.

Hell, I'm already thinking about it. I mean, I'm going to be fighting with you and John and with Meenah, so all of you are sort of depending on me to help you out.

Believe me, I don't think you'd want to be in a relationship with Terezi right now. She's kind of...well, she needs an intervention too. Gamzee has seriously fucked with her. She's completely unprepared to fight, and I'm starting to wonder if we're the only ones who actually give a shit about killing English and finally ending this god damn game already.

Go with what I've decided. For now we concentrate our efforts on winning this war, getting what we can done here to help because they're actually fucking organized and need us. After two years of sitting on my ass doing nothing, I'm ready and welling to get shit done.

Terezi's not here, and Gamzee was here until a while ago but he was from the very beginning like right when we first hit the meteor with you guys so he wasn't that bad yet, so let's not worry about shit with them. We've got shit to worry about here, we don't need all this worry piling up until it overloads and we can't tell our heads from our asses.

Yeah, you're right. Winning the war here is the only way we're going to get back to our war anyway, so we might as well fight our fucking hardest here. I'm ready for some action too. The meteor was boring as shit. I just hope it continues to be boring as shit while I'm here, but the chances of that aren't that high.

It's only boring as shit here if you let it be. John got himself kidnapped recently, there's been some people who aren't happy about the guests showing up here. Apparently it started a year ago and they were expecting the war to be over by now, so now they're getting all pissed off at us. It's died down a little recently so you at least missed the riots and shit, and the part where a group kidnapped five guests and drugged them. We caught the ones who did it, but not the ones behind it all. There's still investigations going on about that, it was just last week. John's doing fine though, he bounces back from shit pretty fast.

Are you serious? Of course he would get fucking kidnapped. That idiot can't be in a place three fucking weeks without getting into grave fucking danger. I heard the residents aren't exactly thrilled about us being here, but I had no idea shit was that bad. Tell me you're not trying to track the assholes down on your own.

Like I said, it was pretty bad but luckily it chilled down this past week so not as much to worry over.

And I'm not that stupid, give me some credit here man. I trust the guys up top to continue their investigations and find shit out. They'll let us know when they have something. I'd rather just do my part keeping up on my Watch shifts and making sure nothing happens on the streets.

Another bonus of the Watch, got a totally sick motorcycle from them when I joined up. It's awesome.

Thank god. I do not want to have to deal with that shit.

Good. Just keep trusting them and shit. John being stupid is bad enough. I don't need you catching his stupid and running off after dangerous assholes.

A motorcycle? Are you serious? _{[That sure beats walking. Damn.]}

I've already had all my stupid shots, that shit's super contagious you think I'd let myself be infected by it? No way, I'm too cool for that.

[Dave's mood seems to be lifting back up, he seems pretty proud.]

Damn straight. If you ask nicely I'll even give you a ride around town to show you where the important shit is, it's pretty sweet.

_{[Karkat grins.]} Obviously. _{[Was that sarcasm? Who knooows.]}

Okay, before I agree, I want to be sure I'm not signing myself up to be involved in some sort of tragic motorcycle crash. You do know how to drive the thing, right?

[He actually looks mildly offended at his driving skills being questioned here because wow Karkat, rude.]

Give me a little more credit than that bro, of course I can. They made me pass a test and everything before handing it over, I've got this shit documented and signed.

Alright, then, give me the fucking tour then. This place is way too big and fucking hot as shit to be walking everywhere.

Welcome to living in a desert, I had to deal with shit similar to this back home. It hasn't even began to get hot yet. But you want to know the best part about this place?

[It's said in such a tone that it's a great secret just waiting to be unveiled.]

Are you kidding me? I'm going to fucking melt. I'm going to turn into a pile of fucking gray goo, and you're going to have to scoop me up and put me in one of your fucking stupid preservation jars.

Oh god. No, no I don't want to know, but you're going to tell me anyway.

Don't worry bro, we got this. I know how to prepare for the oncoming summer heat, we'll be totally chill icebergs will be jealous.

[no, in all actuality they're going to die and he's going to bitch just as loud as Karkat but that's besides the point.

He's getting up and moving, the view of the video shifting and turning until it reaches the fridge. Which he slowly opens, like unveiling a god.

And the entire top two shelves are filled with bottles of apple juice. Someone is hoarding after a two year withdraw.]

Bam motherfucker, check it out.

I guess you would know. Even your land was disgustingly hot. Or at least, it seemed like it would be hot seeing it.

You're fucking stupid. _{[He has to fight a smile, though, because that is so Dave. At least now he won't have to listen to him complaining about missing apple juice all the god damn time.]}

Edited 2013-04-18 03:16 (UTC)

In retrospect its not nearly as bad after being on LOHAC in my suits all the time, but that was kind of something I just had to get the feel for. Like the only thing that scares me about this place is that fucking sun.

I heard that it watches you change. Or was that the moon? Point is, they laugh and drool and have faces and are fucking horrifying monstrosities and the hotter it gets the more sadistic the sun seems.

[Those will never not creep him out.]

If you're lucky I might consider sharing some of this sweetass nectar with you. And don't listen to John if he mentions any stupid overrated movie monsters and their monster piss. It so not funny.

[He grabs a bottle for himself just because he's there why not before going back to the couch.]

Dude, it's not that bad. It can't fucking get to you and attack you and shit. It just watches you. What's so bad about that? _{[Now if the sun could come down and kick their asses, that would be another story.]}

I'm shocked. I figured you'd hog all that shit to yourself once you got it back. I am actually curious what it tastes like, considering how much you talked about missing this stuff on the meteor.

It drools on you and pervs on you like some dirty old man with a telescope what the fuck isn't so bad about that

[But there's far more important matters at hand.]

Fuck that's right, almost forgot you've never tried it before. That pretty much settles it, you don't even have an option anymore you've gotta try and realize how godly awesome the aj is.

It doesn't fucking attack you is what I'm saying. If it was watching you and it could actually do something to hurt you, that would be a problem, but it can't do shit. It can't tell anyone what it saw, and it can't fucking come down from the sky and sit down to fucking tea with you, alright?

Fine, but if it's god awful, I hope you know that when I spit it out, your face is my target.

I never said it was dangerous, just creepy as a motherfuck.

Good thing we won't have to worry about that because it's fucking delicious so that won't even be a problem.

And I'm saying, why bother thinking about how creepy it is if it's not capable of using that creepiness against you?

...Alright, it's your own fault if these words come back to fucking haunt you later.

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video; private- that's what i get for tagging when i first wake up and not paying attention

video; private-haha, I was wondering why Stein was swearing all of a sudden.

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