soul_campaign

[There is quite abruptly a very upset teenage troll on the screen. He's glaring at the camera as if it has personally offended him. Normally he would have done this over text, but he wants to see familiar faces, and besides, the best speeches aren't given over text.]

Listen up, nooksniffers. Here's how this is going to go. I don't have time for this war. I'm already fighting in one, and that one I actually give a shit about. Since I can't leave until this place stops getting his ass kicked, the plan is to win this stupid war as quickly as possible so we can all get back to our miserable lives wherever we came from.

Okay? Good. So, what's being done around here to get everyone battle ready? Whatever it is, sign me up. I need to figure out this whole fucking "being a weapon" thing. [He even does the air quotes for added effect.] Talk to me about the training and shit. Otherwise, keep your squawk blisters shut and brutally destroy those Kishin things.

With one exception. [He raises his pointer finger at the camera. It is not the finger he's used to raising, and he very nearly flubs that up. He's used to giving speeches over text, alright. Maybe he should have done that instead...] I've already seen a couple of familiar faces around here, which leads me to believe there might be more somewhat tolerable assholes around here that I might be familiar with. If you are one of those losers, report to me so I know who's here and therefore not in as much grave danger. Worrying about you bulgelickers is a full time fucking job, alright, and I don't want to have to worry any more than I have to, because it's annoying as shit.

Alright, I'm out. [There's a little fumble and a muffled curse, along with a lovely view of the floor of Karkat's place in Casualty Communal before the feed cuts out.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You absolutely don't want to know, but should. He's this... sword-midget-thing from this world. Fond of fucking things up for the guests under the guise of helping them.

I'm Mello. You wouldn't remember, but you gave me some useful advice a couple of times.

An asshole sword-midget-thing? Got it. I'll stay the fuck away from him then.

Glad to have helped, I guess. Not remembering this shit is really fucking inconvenient.

Tell me about it. I was here before my current tenure, too.

You helped me out in dealing with someone who was pretty damn close to my kismesis.

[Now, they're something... else. Not that Mello knows what.]

It's particularly irritating because everyone knows shit about me, and I don't know fuck all about them.

You have a kismesis? _{[This catches his attention.]} Are they a troll? The only human I know who's using troll romance terms for things and is comfortable with troll romance is actually in that relationship with a troll.

Heh, again, tell me about it. And I'm more private than most.

He's another human. But if any pair of humans were ever fated rivals, it's us.

I'm a Meister, but I asked my partner about transforming for someone else once--Feferi, actually. The stairs thing is a myth, but being under stress does tend to help you get there faster.

Damn, sucks for you. I used to be more private than I am now, or at least more secretive, but it's still fucking freaky as all hell to come here and have everyone know literally everything about me.

If it's a healthy and balanced black relationship congratulations. Finding a really great rival isn't the easiest thing even for trolls.

Yeah, I guess emotional stress will work too, apparently that's what John did. I feel like that's cheating though. I want to figure this out without freaking the fuck out to force me to transform, you know?

It's... not exactly black anymore. Not without a tinge of red, anyway. But it works for us.

[Mello can appreciate wanting to transform without taking any shortcuts.]

I know you were a battle axe before, if having something to aim for helps.

If it works for both of you, there's nothing wrong with that. As long as you're not constantly flipping all the god damn time, because that's when it gets unstable and hard to manage.

For all I know it's probably changed. Not remembering anything from that time isn't exactly encouraging.

One thing I actually don't know is whether Weapon forms stay constant. Knowing BREW, they change if it'll fuck someone over.

In retrospect, a lot of our issues could be chalked up to trying to make it more red or more black than it was at the time. Heh, not that you know me anymore or even care.

Knowing my luck, it's changed. Life gets it's fucking rocks off messing with me all the god damn time.

Hey, I'm giving you fucking advice and talking about it, aren't I? Yeah, I don't remember you, but that doesn't mean I'm an assholes. I'm assuming you didn't tell me about your kismesis for no reason, and talking about romance and helping people out has always been my thing.

[It's more Mello's issues with asking for help talking than any issues he thinks Karkat has with giving it.]

Heh, I wasn't trying to imply you were.

Your Weapon form might not have changed that much, now that I think about it. My best friend went from one kind of gun-shaped video game controller to another.

Apparently I was an axe before, right? I don't know, I guess that would be alright, but I'm kind of hoping for my weapon, you know? Something familiar, even if I can't fucking use it. Plus, I've been kind of telling people I'm a sickle, so finding out I'm not would be kind of embarrassing, at this point.

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