soul_campaign

Entry tags:

VIDEO

[There is quite abruptly a very upset teenage troll on the screen. He's glaring at the camera as if it has personally offended him. Normally he would have done this over text, but he wants to see familiar faces, and besides, the best speeches aren't given over text.]

Listen up, nooksniffers. Here's how this is going to go. I don't have time for this war. I'm already fighting in one, and that one I actually give a shit about. Since I can't leave until this place stops getting his ass kicked, the plan is to win this stupid war as quickly as possible so we can all get back to our miserable lives wherever we came from.

Okay? Good. So, what's being done around here to get everyone battle ready? Whatever it is, sign me up. I need to figure out this whole fucking "being a weapon" thing. [He even does the air quotes for added effect.] Talk to me about the training and shit. Otherwise, keep your squawk blisters shut and brutally destroy those Kishin things.

With one exception. [He raises his pointer finger at the camera. It is not the finger he's used to raising, and he very nearly flubs that up. He's used to giving speeches over text, alright. Maybe he should have done that instead...] I've already seen a couple of familiar faces around here, which leads me to believe there might be more somewhat tolerable assholes around here that I might be familiar with. If you are one of those losers, report to me so I know who's here and therefore not in as much grave danger. Worrying about you bulgelickers is a full time fucking job, alright, and I don't want to have to worry any more than I have to, because it's annoying as shit.

Alright, I'm out. [There's a little fumble and a muffled curse, along with a lovely view of the floor of Karkat's place in Casualty Communal before the feed cuts out.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Oh. Really? Wow, lucky you then. You must have really good team mates then.

How is that relevant? I don't want to turn into a duck! What's the point of imagining it changing shape if it's not going to turn into a weapon?

Well, we are the best Keron has to offer, de arimasu. [According to Keroro, anyway.]

Weapons are strange, strange things, de arimasu. For all you know, it could be a weapon of mass destruction pretending to be a cuddly duck, de arimasu.

So, you're like the top legion. The best of the best? _{[He never thought he'd have this much admiration for a frog thing.]}

I don't want to be a god damn duck. Or look like a duck, whatever. I'm going to be badass, whatever I am. There's no way I'm turning into something that looks cute, even if it turns out to be powerful as all hell.

Of course, de arimasu! [Which is a blatant lie. But it's not like anyone can call him out on it.]

I've heard that some people can change form though, de arimasu. Like from a ribbon to a spear. You could change from a rubber duck to a chainsaw or something, de arimasu.

Holy shit, really? That's so badass! You have to tell me stories from your campaigns! _{[He's fanboying over a frog. This is a new experience.]}

....I guess that wouldn't be so bad, I guess. Chainsaws are cool, even if it would be humiliating to be a rubber ducky first.

I'd be honoured to, de arimasu!
[And of course, his role in more than half of those stories will be heavily exaggerated.]

I think it would probably be just as bad for the person who has to wield you, de arimasu.

Well? Tell me about a really brutal campaign! Or a really awesome last minute victory.

They'd just have to fucking suck it up if they want to use me so bad. ...Use me as a weapon, I mean, obviously.

A really awesome and brutal campaign. Then...how about the Caries War, de arimasu? We ended up having to sacrifice someone for the greater good. There was a huge explosion [in Keroro's mouth] and everything, de arimasu.

Of course, de arimasu. [Because what else could the word 'use' mean but as a Weapon?]

Oh shit, well, if it's a sensitive subject since you lost someone, you don't have to tell that story, but if you want to, hell, I'm all ears.

_{[Karkat certainly has no idea.]} So, do you have a partner? I forgot if you mentioned it already. It sounds like you sort of have to have one to get by here.

Oh, I don't mind, de arimasu. I was the one that had to sacrifice myself for the greater good, de arimasu. Because the only way I could participate in the battle was if they transferred my consciousness into the bomb we would use as a last resort, de arimasu.

[Then they can both have no idea together.] I do, de arimasu. My partner is Eve-dono. But you don't actually have to have one to get by, de arimasu. A lot of people don't have exclusive partners, de arimasu.

You...You sacrificed yourself. You were the bomb? _{[He's getting a little teary eyed just thinking about it.]} Then....you're dead?

That's good, because apparently a lot of my friends want to wield me, and they all already have partners.

Don't say unlucky things like that, de arimasu. I'm still alive, de arimasu. It wasn't a permanent transfer. [Who transfers their consciousness into a bomb permanently anyway? That's just asking for the author to sacrifice you.]

What's the problem with that, de arimasu? [Because Keroro doesn't see a problem with having multiple partners. Sure, he and Eve are exclusive, but this is more to do with the fact that he's technically fulfilling the role of "responsible adult" in their partnership.]

Sorry. It's hard to tell, especially since some of my friends actually are dead, but they're here anyway. So, what, you were in the bomb, made it go off, and then transferred out so you were okay?

I guess...nothing, really. I just don't want to feel like I'm butting into the partnerships they have.

Yeah, it was pretty much like that, de arimasu. Because it's always necessary to have a final resort in case the battle doesn't go well, de arimasu. We had actually been doing really well up until we figured out that the enemy had already built an extensive base and birthed a queen, de arimasu. [By that point, the only option left to them was to destroy the whole base in one fell swoop.]

Talk to them before you decide something like that on your own, de arimasu.

How could you miss the fact that they had built a base? Were you that far away from them? And, what does birthing a Queen mean, since I'm pretty sure it's different for you than for trolls, since a grub would be pretty much defenseless when it hatched, so that wouldn't be any kind of asset.

They've told me it's fine, but I don't really know if I should actually believe them.

They built their base inside one of the back molars. It would have been impossible to detect unless we knew what we were looking for, de arimasu. No one expected them to have been there for long enough, you see. And the Queen is a problem because it's the source of Caries. If they have a Queen, that means that they'd have a never-ending supply of soldiers, de arimasu.

[And that means microscopic tooth-invasions for everyone.]

They're your friends, de arimasu. If you can't even believe them, who else could you believe, de arimasu?

_{[He has no idea what the fuck you're talking about. Back molars? Caries? What the hell? He sort of gets that the Queen and a secret base is a problem though, even without understanding the terminology, so he's just going to nod his head and pretend he knows what Keroro's talking about.]} So you really had no choice but to use the bomb, since if you waited any longer, things could get worse.

...It's not that I don't believe them. Just. Maybe they're trying to be nice, since we're friends. And just staying we can partner up for a mission or two to make me feel better about being here and not having a partner.

Exactly, de arimasu. If we hadn't stopped them, they would have spread, de arimasu.

If they're your friends, they wouldn't do that, de arimasu. Friends always have each others' best interests in mind, de arimasu.

What happens if they completely take over?

..Yeah, you're right. I'm being stupid.

Toothaches. [He's being really serious as he says this.]
Toothaches for everyone.

Don't say that, de arimasu. It's a legitimate concern, de arimasu. Just remember that no matter what, you guys are friends, de arimasu. Don't doubt them, de arimasu.

Toothaches. Like, teeth rotting and falling out toothaches or just the kind that hurts a little?

Yeah. Alright. Thanks.

Of course it's the kind where teeth rot and fall out and even talking is painful, de arimasu. They drill their bases deep into the teeth all the way to expose nerve endings, de arimasu.

You're welcome, de arimasu.

Euuugh. That sounds. Really fucking awful. I can see why making sure they don't win is kind of a big deal.

It is, de arimasu. That and because they're also trying to take over Pekopon, de arimasu. It's also very good training as well, de arimasu.

Pekopon? What the fuck is that? You consider actual battles training? What are you training for?

[video]

starfruitfrog - 2013-06-06 02:38 (UTC) - Expand

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only