Entry #A-12: "Assimilation" [February 13, Audio]

[dead_black_eyes]

[A smooth, soft voice can be heard over the networks.]

I'm getting the feeling that this consumer-driven holiday invented by greetings-card companies is more of an affair in Death City than it was in my own world.

While I don't approve of holidays cashing in by making people feel obligated to buy things for others, I don't have a problem if people feel obligated to buy things for me.

There are some stores selling fine chocolates. I like these in particular, so... as a true gourmand and an expert at gauging human emotions, I will give you excellent, informed romantic advice in exchange for any of the following.

[TEXT]

1. Creme buttermints (package of 12)
2. Vanilla caramel truffles (package of 16)
3. Milk fudge squares (NO NUTS, package of 8)
4. Hand-dipped marshmallow dream bars (package of 2)
5. Cotton-candy heart sticks (package of 1, the most cost-effective option)
6. Belgian nougat sprinkled in gold leaf (package of 1, the least cost-effective option but I'll certainly notice you.)
7. Candied orange slices (Package of 10)

[/End TEXT]

Comments

[dead_black_eyes]

They absolutely can. Just not on Valentine's Day.

[He perks right up when he sees that Bakura's getting his jacket.]

[shiromadoushi]

Wouldn't count as Valentine's day choco if it's not on Valentine's day. [[points out with a small smile.

And a pause]]

Want to come for the walk?

[dead_black_eyes]

I'm giving out some very important romantic advice...

[Except for not really.]

Let me get my shoes.

[shiromadoushi]

[[a soft laugh]] I'll be in the hall.

[dead_black_eyes]

[And soon L's out in the hall, too, wearing sloppily laced beaten converse sneakers and carrying his communicator.

And definitely checking to see what pants Bakura's wearing. After that conversation, how could he not?]

[shiromadoushi]

[[Notices that look at this pants and self consciously pulls his jacket closed.]]

... What?

[dead_black_eyes]

Oh. I suppose I just wanted to see if you were wearing those pants. Naturally I wondered.

[shiromadoushi]

[[Awkward +2]]

...which pants?

[[Was Ryuzaki really serious about that...?]]

[dead_black_eyes]

The ones where you can see the outline...? The tight pants.

[shiromadoushi]

....you really can see that?

[dead_black_eyes]

Well, stand with your legs a bit apart, and I'll tell you...

[shiromadoushi]

Ryuzaki-kun, just please tell me if you were making that up or not... [[sounding almost a touched pained. Really, *really* does not want you staring at his crotch like that...]]

[dead_black_eyes]

Why would I make it up?

[L seems genuinely perplexed by the idea of doing such a thing.]

[shiromadoushi]

To try and get me to get you chocolate....

[dead_black_eyes]

Does that usually work? Telling someone that you can see their scrotum makes people give you chocolates...?

[shiromadoushi]

[[hiding behind his hand now]] Only to try and get you to stop talking about it...

[dead_black_eyes]

I'll keep that in mind, for the future!

[shiromadoushi]

[[There might have been a bit of an uncharacteristic, though mild, curse running through Bakura's mind at that]]

Please don't...

Why were you even looking for something like that anyway?

[dead_black_eyes]

I notice things. Call it my blessing, or my curse, but if it's there, I'll probably see it and remember it. Maybe it's my own desire to feel like everything I see is relevant... "blessing" sounds so much better, after all, doesn't it...?

[shiromadoushi]

But something like that...

[[near sighs.]]

You'll have to show me which pair of pants it is, so I can get rid of them...

[dead_black_eyes]

The purple ones!

[Clearly, the color is also amusing to L.]

[shiromadoushi]

[[The ones from home that L had been in]]

...I got rid of those....

[dead_black_eyes]

Then you knew they were too tight in the crotch?

[shiromadoushi]

It had nothing to do with that...

[[and far more to do with L having been wearing them. After being in a dumpster. And then using all his shampoo. And possibly not wearing any underwear. Too many uncomfortable feelings about those pants afterward.

That and:]]

Ulthar ripped up one of the legs of them before I could get them properly laundered.

[dead_black_eyes]

The cat did? Doesn't he have a scratching post?