Entry #A-12: "Assimilation" [February 13, Audio]

[dead_black_eyes]

[A smooth, soft voice can be heard over the networks.]

I'm getting the feeling that this consumer-driven holiday invented by greetings-card companies is more of an affair in Death City than it was in my own world.

While I don't approve of holidays cashing in by making people feel obligated to buy things for others, I don't have a problem if people feel obligated to buy things for me.

There are some stores selling fine chocolates. I like these in particular, so... as a true gourmand and an expert at gauging human emotions, I will give you excellent, informed romantic advice in exchange for any of the following.

[TEXT]

1. Creme buttermints (package of 12)
2. Vanilla caramel truffles (package of 16)
3. Milk fudge squares (NO NUTS, package of 8)
4. Hand-dipped marshmallow dream bars (package of 2)
5. Cotton-candy heart sticks (package of 1, the most cost-effective option)
6. Belgian nougat sprinkled in gold leaf (package of 1, the least cost-effective option but I'll certainly notice you.)
7. Candied orange slices (Package of 10)

[/End TEXT]

Comments

[voice | private]

[dead_black_eyes]

There were more than a few lies in my previous discourse. I only happen to be good at gauging emotion when compared with some.

[Guess who, Near?]

But a few people have. Even if they needed to be persuaded.

Perhaps you'd like to know something?

[voice | private]

[cardfortress]

One can always be good at something when compared to someone else who is inferior in that regard.

[He guessed it right but no fucks were given.]

Who?

There are many things I would like to know.

[voice | private]

[dead_black_eyes]

As with most things, it is a matter of perspective.

So curious. Is there a particular person you're wondering about?

[voice | private]

[cardfortress]

Indeed.

I have always been very curious. And no, there isn't.

[Part of him wonders what is even the point in lying, because he knows L will see right through his words, but like hell he's going to admit he meant Mello.]

[voice | private]

[dead_black_eyes]

Mello did ask, since you're clearly wondering.

[voice | private]

[cardfortress]

[Oh hello there, new and somewhat useful information.]

Did he? He must have been quite bored.

[voice | private]

[dead_black_eyes]

Actually, I don't think Mello's ever needed boredom as an excuse to ask for my advice.

[voice | private]

[cardfortress]

I meant romantic advice, specifically. I have no doubt that he's asked for your advice on matters of greater relevance.

[voice | private]

[dead_black_eyes]

You consider romance irrelevant? If my feigned expertise in the subject can get others to purchase me candy, it's hardly irrelevant.

Though... admittedly, I wonder how many of the people bringing me tributes are doing so to get me to shut up. I've humiliated a few people deeply.

[Oops. Looks like he forgot to talk specifically about Mello...]

[voice | private]

[cardfortress]

Fair enough, but it is irrelevant most of the time, candy payments aside.

...just how invasive was your advice?

[Damnit, L! >:c]

[voice | private]

[dead_black_eyes]

To a great many individuals, it is not. I never discount what can be used.

About as invasive as your questions, incidentally. You wouldn't believe the sorts of filthy things he wants to know.

[Said dryly. In a tone that might suggest "Hey, Near, perhaps you're overstepping your bounds just a touch?" Near, after all, has not bothered to forge a more fraternal relationship with L than the one they left behind in their home world.]