soul_campaign | Entry #A-12: "Assimilation" [February 13, Audio]

[A smooth, soft voice can be heard over the networks.]

I'm getting the feeling that this consumer-driven holiday invented by greetings-card companies is more of an affair in Death City than it was in my own world.

While I don't approve of holidays cashing in by making people feel obligated to buy things for others, I don't have a problem if people feel obligated to buy things for me.

There are some stores selling fine chocolates. I like these in particular, so... as a true gourmand and an expert at gauging human emotions, I will give you excellent, informed romantic advice in exchange for any of the following.

[TEXT]

1. Creme buttermints (package of 12)
2. Vanilla caramel truffles (package of 16)
3. Milk fudge squares (NO NUTS, package of 8)
4. Hand-dipped marshmallow dream bars (package of 2)
5. Cotton-candy heart sticks (package of 1, the most cost-effective option)
6. Belgian nougat sprinkled in gold leaf (package of 1, the least cost-effective option but I'll certainly notice you.)
7. Candied orange slices (Package of 10)

[/End TEXT]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Was it so intimidating to sleep in your own bed, knowing that I was in the room? That's the only reason I can think of that makes much sense...

It seemed intrusive.

I was technically insane from sleep deprivation at the time.

I really do know what that's like.

I didn't judge either of you harshly for what I saw.

Hm. It got a hell of a lot less cozy after we woke up.

Ah. You're referring to more than an absence of physical warmth.

[Mello sighs, mostly because he's realized L's one of the only people who might understand this. It doesn't fit the troll idea of blackrom, not anymore, but fuck if Mello knows what it is.]

We had our worst fight yet. I don't know why.

It's better now, though.

Sometimes, things are better after fights. Just like cries and talks, I've heard.

Heh.

[Mello has to chuckle at L talking about these things as if he's an anthropologist studying a previously undiscovered subculture.]

Getting all your mutual shit out in the open does help. Sometimes.

[In so many ways, that really is how L sees it. What he knows and understands of humanity has mostly been experienced from behind computer screens and plate glass.]

Someone... wasn't it Dostoevsky? said that "Much unhappiness has come into the world because of bewilderment and things left unsaid."

While much of my personal security has depended on "bewilderment and things left unsaid", it... seems that among those you trust, such things would be purely unhelpful. Always.

[It keeps coming back to that issue, as if the universe--the one Death City inhabits, anyway--is determined that Mello learn this lesson despite his determination to sidestep it for as long as possible. That the trust he and Near have is only a fragment of the real thing, which means their resonance is only a shadow of what it could be.]

Not trusting someone not to use the things you say against you later is a slight barrier to saying them.

And before you tell me, I know perfectly well I do it to him, too.

What's the worst that Near would do? Really examine this... it seems that he wouldn't kill you, he wouldn't hurt you. He might only embarrass you a bit.

Are you that afraid of being embarrassed?

[Mello does think about it. Near could decide not to be partners anymore, but he needs Mello more than Mello needs him, in that respect. Their war's always been one of words, and even though the twit can say things incisive enough to make Mello internally squirm, L's right. His pride's the only thing that suffers.

Still, it's his pride. Not that he wants to admit that to L.]

Huh. Fine, that does put things in perspective. It doesn't mean I'm going to start handing him ammunition.

Even though it sounds incredibly counter-intuitive, vulnerability is a form of strength. More specifically, being with someone you can let your guard down in front of, without fearing significant negative consequences? Of every possible weapon a person can possess, that security is the most indispensable.

I could tell stories to prove that I'm not just making this up. I was a horror of a child and a reckless teenager. Watari judged me, frequently and harshly, but... in such a relationship, there comes a point when pride ceases to exist. When a person has seen you at your best and at your very worst, it stops being a call to impress them and starts being about getting the job done. And when that's happening, effectively and precisely? Something affectionate very often comes of it.

[Pride ceases to exist? Mello can't imagine that, and if this were video, L would get the full force of his skeptical expression.

But Near has seen him at his worst, in the grip of the madness wavelength, and under the influence of something much more insidious and sinister, and they're still partners. Mello's always assumed this is simple self-preservation on Near's part, staying with the one he's strongest with, like Mello has done. He's never considered there might be something else binding them together. Not on Near's side, anyway.]

No, I understand. You can't dwell on what you've already revealed.

But what if I don't want affection? What if I like my guard up?

I think that if you didn't want affection, and liked your guard up, you'd have few reasons to dissect this situation and ask for input from personally invested third parties.

I started out expressly not asking for advice.

You gambled, and took your chances with the advice.

Vanilla caramel truffles are quite good.

[Maybe Mello let the conversation go this way because he feels unsure, and hates it, and doesn't know what to do with it.

Maybe he'd never, ever admit that to L.]

How does two packages sound?

Better than one, and not nearly as good as five?

Three. That's my final offer.

[Trying to keep his smile from his voice.]

Four.

[Damn it, L.]

Fine.

Don't sound so reluctant. Even I can't eat all that in one sitting.

Heh, that would be the mother of all sugar highs.

[See? He's getting better at this friends thing. He thinks.]

So, in short, make sure that two of the four boxes are something you'll eat.

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want_the_world - 2012-06-03 01:39 (UTC) - Expand

Entry #A-12: "Assimilation" [February 13, Audio]

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