soul_campaign | Entry #A-12: "Assimilation" [February 13, Audio]

[A smooth, soft voice can be heard over the networks.]

I'm getting the feeling that this consumer-driven holiday invented by greetings-card companies is more of an affair in Death City than it was in my own world.

While I don't approve of holidays cashing in by making people feel obligated to buy things for others, I don't have a problem if people feel obligated to buy things for me.

There are some stores selling fine chocolates. I like these in particular, so... as a true gourmand and an expert at gauging human emotions, I will give you excellent, informed romantic advice in exchange for any of the following.

[TEXT]

1. Creme buttermints (package of 12)
2. Vanilla caramel truffles (package of 16)
3. Milk fudge squares (NO NUTS, package of 8)
4. Hand-dipped marshmallow dream bars (package of 2)
5. Cotton-candy heart sticks (package of 1, the most cost-effective option)
6. Belgian nougat sprinkled in gold leaf (package of 1, the least cost-effective option but I'll certainly notice you.)
7. Candied orange slices (Package of 10)

[/End TEXT]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

It's hard to imagine that that's any kind of life.

But I suspect we're talking about different types of candy.

Guess so.

Mine's the deadly hard candy that Haru likes if you still care about that kinda stuff.

Of course I do.

What's it comprised of, and what does it do?

Dunno and kill you.

Death is intimate and complex.

What's the modus operandi? I ask out of concern for Haru.

....

[You seriously expect him to believe that, L?]

"Boom."

You're fucking with me.

Believe me, I'd rather off myself by biting my tongue before I get desperate enough to try'n do that.

Let me rephrase.

You are attempting to fool me into thinking that this type of candy makes a person explode.

Nobody said you have to believe me.

[His voice is clearly teasing. He didn't lie, he only omitted enough of the details to make it sound really absurd.]

And I wouldn't, if you're lying... but there is the possibility that you're telling the truth. That's what troubles me.

Oh? It does? Pray tell why, oh big romance expert?

I think about death a lot.

It seems like there's something interesting... poetic, almost, about a drug overdose. Unintentional suicide, very tragic, desire that outweighs rationality. Desire is very human, and it's always fascinated me, and this image of someone, pale and cold and lifeless because they desired a different state of consciousness...

I think the idea is very beautiful, myself. Strange and overwhelming and pathetic, and yet transcendent. It's a type of death that would really suit Haru.

But... exploding just ruins all of that. It's almost comical, and... that unevenness in mood and tone messes with me.

[It's a good thing that L can't see Leo's face while he listens to him. His expression goes from amused straight to mildly disgusted and then angry. Fuck yeah, exploding really wasn't romantic at all but to compare it to some random gag- !

His voice has turned into a low growl when he replies.]

Did you ever see a body that was torn apart by an explosion? I can guarantee you that it's not funny at all.

Yes, I have.

Objectively, you can guarantee nothing.

Maybe I can't, but neither can you.

I never said that I could. I know my limits. Especially when it comes to eliciting laughter.

It doesn't happen much.

I'm not surprised.

Anyway, ya got your answer. Are ya happy now?

That's a strange, complicated question. I do not know how to answer it.

Then try thinking about it until the next time we meet.

I could be thinking about it for a long time. I don't get the feeling that you like me very much.

What, really?

It's nothing unusual. I don't feel bad about it, and neither should you.

[There is a startled pause that is followed by a short barking laugh. Him, feel bad? About disliking a human?]

Thanks for the gracious offer, but I'm fine hatin' humans by principle.

[Audio]

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