soul_campaign | March 12th: SWM Seeking SWF [Text]

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March 12th: SWM Seeking SWF [Text]

Good evening, Death City. I trust you've been well.

I am a Single White Male seeking a Sexy Weapon Female, in case the abbreviations weren't clear. I'm a Meister, obviously, and apparently my ability is Soul Dazzle.

What else could it have been, right?

Contact me if you'd like to knock resonances... or anything else.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I do hope, for the sake of your amazing, yet-to-be-discovered weapon that you're at least fit, can withstand short bursts of physical exertion without dying, and can focus long enough to take instruction in the middle of battle without breaking down ~~like a little girl~~.

[Strikethroughs deleted, obviously.]

I'll have you know that I happen to be incredible at all of that.

And there's no way that my bursts of physical exertion are short, OK? I can go all night.

[Never mind that he's always been lousy at sports and was diagnosed with ADD as a kid.]

Are you sure? Because if you don't already know a martial art, you'll have to rely on your weapon to guide your movements in battle. That requires complete concentration and full trust between the two of you--your resonance can't break under any circumstance.

And this is assuming that the weapon you'll be compatible with is offensive in nature. A good number of the weapons here are support-type weapons who rely on their meister already knowing how to fight to keep the two of them alive.

Just take my word for it. I'm a very physical guy. This place even offers training, am I right?

Yes, it does. And the fact that you had to ask first means you haven't been going, I suppose.

Bro. I've been here for ten days. Grand total. Get off that high and mighty horse of yours before I slap its ass and send it galloping off into the sunset with you flailing around for the reins.

[Because text just won't cut it anymore, he feels. He turns the video option on and looks directly into the camera. His eyes are clear, his mild-mannered tone belying the gravity of his words.]

I arrived here June 19 of last year. Four days later I was attending training. Considering how many of us have been returned lately, I can confidently say that I am one of the last few who've been here the longest, and I've witnessed this war in all its ugly, bloody, grisly glory since then. I have a right to that high horse, and I doubt that a slap from you can spook it, anyway. I know what I'm talking about. You have to start taking this seriously, or you'll get hurt the moment there's another attack on the city.

[Barney meets his gaze, but his attention quickly wanders.

He stifles a yawn with the back of his hand.]

Listen. Great job and everything, but I couldn't really care less about the six days you have on me, as far as training is concerned.

[There's a tiny frown marring his forehead now.]

What? No, that's not the point. I'm saying that you need to set your priorities straight now. You're not a combatant. All you seem to care about is picking up a woman and trying to sound unaffected--and what if the weapon you'll be most compatible with is another man? Are you still going to insist on a partner from the opposite sex, even if it might put your life in danger?

Between us? I don't think I'll be limiting myself to one Weapon or one woman. It would have to be a hell of a bro for us to be compatible, but that's a good point. Weapon and Meister relationships are like... well, relationships, and I tend to avoid those.

[An odd look crosses his face.]

Then I'll have to warn you. You're assuming that to be compatible means you'll have to get along with your partner first--and that to be truly compatible with another man you'll have to be good--bros--[The word, delicately pronounced, sounds utterly foreign on his tongue.]--for it to be possible, but that's not always the case. Soul compatibility seems to be determined by how well your traits match up with each other, and not how well you relate with other people.

If we're going to be roomies, we have to be bros, or she has to be hot enough to sleep with more than once.

[makes a face]

You don't ask for much, do you? Tell me, have you had any offers even after bandying your requirements about so crudely?

[Barney doesn't know what he's talking about, but he's attempting this analogy anyway.]

You know those big bass fishing contests? Do you think that the grand champions win with the first fish they happen to reel in?

[shakes his head] I will take that mean that you haven't had any.

I'm waiting for a fish that's big enough to win the contest!

Piss. That makes it sound like I'll take fatties.

You don't? [innocently]

No. No, no no no no no no.

Come on, do I look like I'll take fatties?

I don't know. [His tone remains mild and maybe a bit too innocent now.] You look like you could do with someone capable of protecting you. That could very well be a larger male--or a very well-built female.

All right. I'll put it this way. If the best-looking girl in a bar or club or a Death City or whatever is a bit of a tubster, sure. Fine. I'll take her.

But let it be known that Barney Stinson is not a chubby chaser.

Edited 2012-08-10 14:10 (UTC)

[He looks perplexed--maybe slightly amused, but more perplexed.]

I don't see the point in telling me that, but all right, if it makes you happy to do so.

[shrugs] I don't remember ever seeing anyone not to your specifications, in any case.

Nothing makes me happier than talking about the hot chicks I like, except maybe hearing about how many of them are around.

What's your preference? Blondes? Brunettes? Tall, short, medium? Busty? Petite?

[... Now he's really confused.]

I don't... have one. [He shakes his head, as if to clear his confusion. It might be obvious that this is the first time someone's asked him such a question.] Or rather, I've never had the occasion to consider it.

You can tell me if you're gay, bro. That's not a problem.

But I don't know if I am. [And yet he's flushing in telltale embarrassment; at least aware of the possibility that he might have been considered as such if his meister hadn't left and the future Yuuri had told him about had come to pass.]

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[suddenly video]

[Meeting your Video and Raising You by Awesome]

[Video] Haha it's on.

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[Video] I laughed, dammit.

[Video] XD

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[Video] tall muscled brunette

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