soul_campaign | March 17th: We Are Stardust, We Are Golden, and Whatever Impresses Hippie Chicks [Text]

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March 17th: We Are Stardust, We Are Golden, and Whatever Impresses Hippie Chicks [Text]

Good morning, Death City! Somewhere out there, I know that there's a special lady who combines these attributes in one flawless package.

1. Good in bed
2. Great in bed
3. Spectacular in bed
4. Searching for all of the above in a sexy love torpedo named Barney Stinson!

Ladies, especially Weapon ladies, send in your replies before they start pouring in too fast for me to keep track of.

Dudes. Dudes. Cock block at your own risk. Because I will make fun of you if you post here. It will be ruthless, cruel, dirty low-down mockery. You've been warned, gentlemen.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Oh, yes. You've done nothing but solicit sex under the convenient guise of looking for a weapon of the opposite gender. Do you even know what a weapon does, what you're supposed to do with a weapon partner, and what you'll be expected to do once you find one?

Uh. Yeah. I'm not stupid, bro.

Why don't you calm the heck down before you blow a gasket. Saving the world is serious business, but so are ladies. I'm just trying to kill two birds with one sexy stone. It's efficiency.

That is chauvinism. Stop insulting female weapons everywhere.

Your accusation is baseless! I happen to love feminism, and all the things that liberation has made women feel comfortable doing!

Oh? Right now you are making a lot of women and girls uncomfortable. On top of that, you have attempted to seduce one of my underaged students!

If I did inadvertently seduce an underaged young woman, it was completely unintentional. I would never knowingly do such a thing!

I find it hard to believe that you can't even tell the age of the people you're talking to, considering that you've been professing to be such an expert on women.

I appreciate the faith you have in my abilities, but the truth is that there's not much physical difference between someone who is 17 and someone who is 18 or 19. Cut a guy some slack!

You are in an academic city. Almost all of the students here are underage! Adjust your thinking right now if you don't want Nevada lawyers screaming for your blood for sexual harassment and pedophilia.

So, you're telling me that it's a college town in Nevada.

Last I heard, Nevada's age of consent is 16. I'm from New York, where it's 17.

But my own personal standards are 18 despite all that, so that should tell you something about me. If you call me a pedophile, I'm calling you a murderer, because you're killing joy.

Is that supposed to move me? I'm a teacher. I regularly crush students' egos when they get cocky and misbehave.

My ego is like one of those giant jawbreakers, bro. It responds well when it gets some hot tongue action, but crushing just doesn't work.

[Her eyes narrow dangerously.]

Stop calling me "bro".

[He frowns.]

...Why? Most guys consider it a compliment.

[... Unforgivable. Normally she wouldn't feel offended at being mistaken for a man, but there's a first time for everything.

There's just something about a self-professed womanizer thinking she's a man that's really insulting.]

I am female.

...Oh.

Yeah, I'm really sorry. It's just that most of the guys in this city look like women, and most of the women look like some fanboy's inflated ideal.

Shit. That was almost more insulting, wasn't it? I swear I'm not trying to make you feel bad.

Tell you what. I'll take you out for drinks to properly apologize for this. It's the least I can do.

[unimpressed]

Do I look like the kind of person who would accept the offer of drink in complete contradiction to my disapproval of your promiscuity?

I am done commenting on your looks, lady. It seems to just get me in trouble.

Trouble only of your own making.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

March 17th: We Are Stardust, We Are Golden, and Whatever Impresses Hippie Chicks [Text]

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