soul_campaign | Text || May 14

Last few days were so much fun. Black Mesa is back in business. For those who don’t know what Black Mesa is, it's a House Call Technician business, and we fix computers, broadcasting and wireless systems, business equipment and security systems. If anyone is interested or just wants a job, call me maybe.

[ PRIVATE TO: BLACK MESA EMPLOYEES ]
We are going put up cameras all over the city. More, at least. Ones that will actually capture when few people are being kidnapped on the streets after being chloroformed. The Detective Agency will supervise this since it’s for them.

[ PRIVATE TO: DUO ]
I have a proposal. Not marriage, but close.

[ PRIVATE TO: NEAR and MELLO ]
Thanks for breaking into my place, setting off the alarm and starting the program to erase everything I had in my three computers. That was really awesome and completely necessary. Near, we are also ready to start setting up the cameras. Whenever you are ready.

[ PRIVATE TO: SOLLUX ]
Hey, let’s go on a mission tomorrow or the day after?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Maybe you can get Shibusen to pay for the counselling for your inevitable PTSD.

Do you take requests?

I think giving me cigarettes for free would help me a lot. As long they aren't about embarrassing me.

I take it the pack I brought you wasn't sufficient to heal your deep mental scars?

Not embarrassing to you. Could you put me on the robot's shoulders?

I had to buy four more, in order to cope. Oh, you are mean. I like it. A sec.

A R T

Perfect.

It really is.

[Near sees this thread, boys. He sees this thread, and he sees that horrid art, and he doesn’t like any of it.

Mello won't like it when Near's done, either.]

Fascinating work of art, Matt, A+.

Are you satisfied with how your request came out, Mello?

[Deliberate choice of words is very deliberate.]

Wait, don't do this yet, let me grab my popcorn.

It's a thing of beauty that I'll cherish forever.

[Oh hush, Matt.]

[Okay, so maybe his previous words were a bit too subtle for Mello. It's time to try and make his meaning even more obvious.]

Have fun with that. It will be the only thing you will cherish in the near future.

[He doesn't even care if Matt is popcorn.gifing or not. He doesn't care if the redhead realizes what he means, either.]

Oh snap, mom is angry. You are going to sleep on the couch tonight, Mello.

[Did Near seriously just do that?]

Which leaves you with nothing to cherish, Near.

[Yeah, he doesn't care if Matt figures it out either. Matt's probably been assuming it for some time.]

I do have my own bed.

[Oh yes he did.]

I am well aware of that, yes.

[But he is also well aware that Mello has a lot more trouble resisting than he does.]

Matt, your sense of humor is as flawless as always.

[Except not really.]

You can both be moms. But if you are going to discuss your sex life in front of my virgin eyes, I hold the right to say whatever I want.

[Just you wait, Near. Mello can make this very difficult for you.]

If that makes you our kid, this is becoming disturbing.

And Near started it.

[It's a valid point and not immature at all.]

[He can handle whatever you throw at him, Mello. Bring it on.]

No, Mello started it.

[By helping Matt tease him about Bumblebee, he obviously started this whole thing.]

Don't be ridiculous, Matt, you are as innocent as I am outgoing and social.

Not my moms, that's creepy. But, girls, you are both pretty. You have no idea. [ Near, YOU are more sexual than Matt. And it's you. ]

I don't care how pretty I am, I'm still manly as hell.

And you obviously started it, Near. We were harmlessly enjoying ourselves until you started making threats.

For the record, I'm not touching the topic of Matt's innocence or lack thereof. I'm not even looking at it.

[Near isn't even going to mention Mello's manliness ~~or lack thereof~~.]

You were enjoying yourselves at my expense. And it wasn't a threat; it was only a statement regarding what is going to happen, or rather what isn't going to happen.

[He knows he doesn't have to drive the point home, but he wants to annoy Matt a little bit more. ~~Yes, he is still being a brat about the Bumblebee thing.~~]

[ "I'm not touching the topic of Matt's innocence or lack thereof"? You just did. Luckily Near does not care.

Just like Matt doesn't care about yours either. ]

Wouldn't you rather make a network announcement about it? This way, everyone will know.

[Mello will just be taking that up with Near in person.]

I'd prefer skywriting. I'm saving up.

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